Sequined hotpants are not just for girls, no matter what your mother might have told you.

There are many amazing, fortuitous, and awe-inspiring things about our team.

The amazing cleavage is one of them, with spectacular legs and tight asses being another.

And the fact that, on such a well-matched team, the coaches would have birthdays on two consecutive days in the middle of February should come as a surprise to exactly NO ONE. It's just par for the course. And that would explain why you haven't heard much from me lately. I have been out until all hours, eating decadent meals and laughing so hard I managed to throw out my back.

It was totally worth it.

So I am here now, peering through the haze of muscle relaxers, trying to get my fingers to work properly and put together words in a way that might make sense.

I had to take a rest, just then. Because coming up with a sentence communicating my struggle to communicate was just......mind blowing.

MY POINT IS, this has been a very well-celebrated weekend. And I am profoundly relieved to be at home for the foreseeable future, except of course for tomorrow night when I already have plans to go out with the girls. And Wednesday night, when I have plans to go out skating. And then Saturday, when I am marching in a parade who's theme is "Be Whale Aware".

Sweet Jesus.

I am not going to spoil any surprises, just know that we have Lots of Excitement coming up. The fact that I was concerned about not having to write about once I quit bartending was some seriously mis-placed anxiety. We're gonna be ALL RIGHT.

This past weekend, for example, we went out for sushi. And I gave the birthday boy the only thing that you can give an utterly fabulous man who coaches roller derby and has a better ass than me.

Sequined hotpants.

I am terrible about gift giving - I like my gifts to be opened right away. I can't stand the suspense, and I hate it when I am not there for the actual present opening - I like to see the recipients reaction, and I usually have to explain why I gave them what I did, because many times my gifts are very specific to the recipient, and no one else has any idea what the hell I was thinking when I picked out THAT.

I had that exact reaction from the two 8 year old boys at the table next to us when the hotpants were revealed and held aloft jubilantly for all to see. There was much exclaiming and hooting, and those boys almost choked on their dinner. They were positively bug-eyed at this man holding up a pair of black, sequined, stretchy athletic shorts.

I mean, these are SPECTACULAR.

Their mother had to physically turn one of the boys back to the table, while scolding him about staring at other people. Then her husband gestured towards the item that had her children so mesmerized. She looked over her shoulder, turned bright red and looked back at her plate, while her husband smirked and the two kids grinned widely.

Meanwhile, we were toasting sequined hotpants and birthdays and making plans for our parade float. Because being whale aware is very important. And we are going to take this theme VERY seriously.

Because Whale Scoliosis is NO JOKE people.