My Box

I believe I have mentioned before that housekeeping is not what I would call a strong suit of mine. I mean, I make a good effort. I do. Especially if company is coming. But in general, I am a bit, well, messy.

I have piles.

I have piles of piles.

Paperwork, and odds and ends that I am not sure what to do with. Things I can't recycle. Things I might need someday. Things I should file, but haven't. Things that need to be shredded.

You know.......stuff.

One of my techniques - especially when company is coming over - is to clear off every surface in my house, and throw it all into a box. I learned this when we were moving, and I needed to clean the house quickly for a showing. I would just dump everything in a moving box and close it and VOILA - clean !

Once I did this in preparation for some special event, and a neighbor happened to stop by right after I had dragged a full box of crap into another room. And she walked into my living room and stood there, dumbfounded. "I don't think" she said slowly "that I have EVER seen your house so clean before!" I was heartbroken, and embarrassed. Because seriously, all I did was sweep off the kitchen counter and stack the magazines nicely. I hadn't even vacuumed or anything. She made me feel like a total pig. But on the other hand, my bar is set VERY LOW which means I can put forth only very minimal effort, and really knock their socks off. So HOORAY for being a slob !

A few months ago, we hosted a farewell party for friends. And guests arrived EARLY (oh, please, don't ever pull that shit. If you get invited to a party at my house, always give the hostess 5-10 extra minutes to finish up. Even if you have to drive around the fucking BLOCK don't show up right on the nose, or worse - EARLY. Because right before the party starts is when I am trying to wipe off my armpits with a baby wipe and change out of my sweaty clothes and possibly get a quick shampoo. OK, probably not a shampoo, but a girl can dream.....)

ANYWAY, the first guests arrived early, and I was right in the middle of shoving everything into The Box and dragging the box into my closet.

I found that box today. It's not like it was hidden, or anything. It's been right there all along, right at the end of my bed. But I have been ignoring it. For a while I covered it with laundry. But that HUSBAND of mine put the laundry away and TAH DAH - box o'crap.

So my question is this.............what am I supposed to DO with all of this stuff? I don't want to throw it away. THERE'S GOOD STUFF IN THERE. Like, the sparkly pumpkin stickers. And the random office supplies. And the business cards. And the string. And the glass teacup. I mean, I'm not going to inventory this for you, I just want to know. WHAT DO PEOPLE DO WITH RANDOM CRAP AROUND THEIR HOUSE?

Do you really just throw it all away? Because if that's the solution, if that's your final answer, then I am fucked. It is going to take me forever to work up the nerve to throw this stuff away. I mean, what if I need to consult this FIRST AID handbook? What about these cool tattoos? And this rubber stamp? And these keys? And thes return address labels all have MY NAME on them! I have to save these, right?!

RIGHT?!?!?!

You can't just throw this stuff away - THIS IS GOOD STUFF.

So tell me, please. What do you do with random things that you find all over your house? I'm not talking about you people who still have ticket stubs from your first date - EVER - which was actually a pretty good flick, actually, that Bill and Ted, they were good guys but THIS IS NOT THE POINT.

This is not a hoarders situation. They aren't finding missing mummified CATS in these boxes. I am a normal person with normal clutter. This question, this WHAT DO I DO?  question is directed at people who live a life free of clutter.

WHERE IS IT? WHERE IS YOUR CLUTTER?

Please, for the love of god, please tell me where to stash this shit. It's making me nuts. Plus, the box is full, and I can't bring myself to start a second box. Not yet, anyway.