I am taking my children to San Francisco. There had better be Rice a Roni.

Next week, I am doing another one of those trips to the mainland without my husband. One of those terribly ill-conceived plans that I come up with late at night or when I see cheap airfare. Since my husband is not coming along, I have an alternate. A side-kick for the airplane. I would call her a wingman but even I'M not that punny. Plus, she's got tits, so clearly NOT A MAN AT ALL. She is taking one of the monkeys and I am taking the other and we will will sit near each other but not next to each other and perhaps the children might even sleep if we give them enough Benadryl. (I'm just joking. I would never drug my children for a red eye flight. Until now.)

So I am taking the kids to SF and I have very little planned, aside from a ride in one of those trolley-things where I will attempt to keep all arms, legs and heads inside the trolley car. But let's be realistic, that is probably not going to happen. We all know I am going to be hanging off the side of that thing hooting and squealing and clutching my hat to my head.

Photo Op.

Anyway, we are going there for 4 days, which seems like a VERY LONG TIME INDEED.

And after I ride the trolley and find an In n Out Burger and eat some decent chinese food, I will be just about out of ideas. I think we are going to Noe Valley to check out some slides that are made out of concrete and may or may not require a trip to the emergency room and Xanax. (Both for me - I am quite clumsy and very nervous).

Because I will have the children, I cannot go straight to the Lusty Lady - which is unfortunate because it is one of my very favorite fun places to go and laugh and laugh and laugh. I still have their sticker in the shape of a cat, that I peeled off the window of my last car. "The Lusty Lady (because everyone needs a little pussy)".
There really is just nothing classier then a Volvo, with 2 carseats in the back, and that sticker on the rear window. Timeless. And located right next to the giant red hot dog with a pin-up girl astride it, saying "Eat Me".

All of this is to say that I will be needing your suggestions for APPROPRIATE things to do with my children while in the city. As clearly, I cannot be left to my own devices or you will find us shoving quarters in the slot at the peep show, eating questionable hot dogs, and hurtling head-first down concrete slides on pieces of cardboard that I have pulled from a dumpster.