What it feels like to be replaced

Tonight I came home from work to discover my house cleaned, and someone else logged in to my facebook, blogger, and other internet accounts on my laptop.

Someone else tucked my children into bed, saw my husband off to work, and welcomed him home again, all without my knowledge.

The duvet I had spent the day wrapped up in on the couch, shivering and coughing before I left for the dinner shift, was now neatly folded, with my heating pad resting on top.

The dishes were washed.
The counters cleaned and rearranged.
The bills neatly stacked.
The kid's rooms straightened.

It was as though I was walking into someone else's house.

My husband didn't see what the fuss was about. A friend needed help, he had gone to help her, and while he was doing the work, she had come over here and watched the kids.

He didn't call me and tell me this was happening, so it was all a big surprise. He probably hoped I wouldn't find out. That he could just run and do the work and get back, and tell me vaguely that the kids had hung out with our friend for a bit while he did some work.

But of course, when he got home and saw everything cleaned and straightened, he realized that what had happened while I was gone would have to be explained.

As I walked in the door, at first glance I wanted to cry. Someone had touched all of my things.

As I clicked over to facebook, I was logged out, and another woman's name and email was in the log in box. I came to check my blogroll, and I was signed out of blogger, with the same email address now in the log in field. I felt like every part of my home had been touched and changed in some way. Adjusted to fit someone else. And I was breathless.

I want to say I feel violated, but that is such a strong word, and I know there was no ill will, and it was all amongst friends, but. No. Yes, this was his friend, and yes, he gave her permission and yes, it was just for a few hours. I can see how someone would think I was over-reacting. Someone like my husband, who doesn't see what the problem is.

But this, this is a problem. Someone saw my home in less then guest-worthy condition. Someone had access to my internet accounts on the laptop I left in my kitchen while my husband was home with the kids all night - or so I thought. Someone made themselves at home in my house with my husband's blessing, and without mine and I feel........gone. I feel like it must feel when a spouse remarries and someone else is living in your house and helping to raise your kids and using stuff that used to be yours. Except, it all happened in 3 hours. I left at 5:30 and got home at 8:45 and Oh. My. God.

And What. The. Fuck.