Sunday, May 24, 2009

Little people make me feel very small

One of my favorite snarky comments about guys who act all big and tough, but are actually enormous pussies, is "he is a little, little man".

Today, I shared my dream with someone who literally made me feel like I was a 5 year old girl, with some hair-brained idea to run away from home with my Snoopy lunchbox, and had announced my plan at the breakfast table before setting out.

In short, he made me feel like a total asshole. An immature, disorganized, irresponsible fool, who just jumps wildly from one job to another due to boredom or an inability to work hard and really dedicate myself to anything long term.

I have heard, through the grapevine, some comments this person had made before. For example: When we brought home Baby V, the comment was "Doesn't she have enough going on ? Why does she need to add this drama amd chaos to her life?"

Since I am also aware that this same person has alienated others with the same insensitive, condescending, emotionally abusive bullshit....I take these comments with a grain of salt. I attempt to see the truth that is being shared so tactlessly.

And the lecture I got tonight did have some good points (not anything I didn't already know, but still) but missed the general point, which was me asking for advice based on this person's professional opinion. I thought, mistakenly, that if I made this an opportunity to "be the expert" - if I went into the evening acknowledging that this person knew more then me about this particular subject, that they might actually be willing to answer some questions, and have a conversation about what I might expect.

And side note here - if I HADN'T had this conversation, and gone ahead with my plan, I would have offended this person deeply, and possibly caused a I was hoping to avoid that whole scenatio by including this person from the get-go. Not for free advice - if the conversation had gone well there would have beem money to be made in terms of my lease and rental commission.

But in one fell swoop - where I eagerly sat forward and said "I have something I want to talk about" to the response that went along the lines of "Yeah, I heard about that and it's a terrible time to do this in this economy, and I won't help you until you have thought about this for 2 years and present me with a business plan" - I was deflated.


And my dream was left in a messy little puddle on the ground where it had just been thoroughly trampled.

Maybe it was some version of tough love, but whatever the case may be, this particular person will not be involved in the future. Because it IS a dream, and dreams are not necessarily rational. And my business plan is no one's business but my own. And perhaps the banks. And maybe the economic opportunity council. And perhaps the county needs to see it. But not this person. Not now.

No comments: