It's like having to take an enormous dump. Or something.

That is the true genius of America, a faith in the simple dreams of its people, the insistence on small miracles. That we can say what we think, write what we think, without hearing a sudden knock on the door. That we can have an idea and start our own business without paying a bribe or hiring somebody's son.

BARACK OBAMA, speech at 2004 Democratic Convention


God, sorry, the post titles have been AWFUL lately, haven't they ? But so apropos, as you will see in just a moment. This post has absolutely nothing to do with going to the bathroom, so you can keep reading, confident in the fact that all potty talk is located exclusively in the title. For the most part.

I have this dream. And it had been slowly growing inside of me for years. Brewing, festering, inspiring, intimidating, gaining strength and speed and weight and size. At this point, I have to just get it out. I have to do the research, the leg work, I have to actually decide if I can DO THIS. Because if I can...if it is even vaguely possible.....I have to go for it. Have to. Otherwise, I will become a crazy person, muttering to myself and sniffling into a tissue about opportunities lost. And if someone else were to take my idea and act on it, I would have rage. Serious rage. That would just eat me up inside.

Have I mentioned that I am feeling pretty passionate about this whole situation ?

So, here's the deal. I am going to take a giant scary leap of faith. I am going to try desperately to make something happen that by all rights I should absolutely not be doing right now. I should be holding the line, paying the bills, following the rules, respecting the tenuous financial situation in this country........
I should. I really, really should. But I can't. It will eat me alive.

And for those reasons, because I want my idea to come to fruition under my loving care, until everything is signed and sealed and ready to go and I know that I have indeed succeeded in fulfilling my dream of dreams, and I am no longer just carrying them around, weighing so heavily on my heart.......I am going to be painfully, annoyingly vague here. Right up until I can make my big announcement. Which I will. Someday. Dammit. Gah. This is killing me.