Totally Not Totalled

I should rename this blog "Adventures in Car Accidents and the Resulting Post Traumatic Stress" because I am having one HELL of a time this week (Like things were going so smoothly before).

So today, at about 4pm, I was informed that the truck - the one that looked all smashed up and smooshed and totally totalled ? Not so much. They are going to fix it, which is great and all, except that I do not think I can overcome my total paralyzing fear of ever driving that truck again.

Let me try to put into words how completely and totally freaked out I am. I have to take off my black seat covers in my station wagon, because it reminds me of the interior of the truck. I cannot drive through an intersection without flinching and making a little shrieking noise and kind of hunching over. I want to cry every time someone brakes in front of me. If I am driving, I get all white-knuckly and sweaty. If I am the passenger, I grab the "Oh Jesus" handle next to my head, brace my feet, and make that weird shrieky noise again. I drive at about 20 miles an hour, in the right lane, and if anyone gets near me in either direction, even oncoming traffic, I pull over. I refuse to drive at night. I am supposed to go out tomorrow night, and I honestly do not think I can physically make myself do it. I am going to try, very hard, but I just don't know....maybe I can get someone to drive me. Or take a cab. Or walk. I would honestly rather walk, in the rain, in the dark, on a country road, then drive.

So back to the condition of the truck. The truck is definitely NOT totalled. It is at a collision center, that is conveniently located at a car dealership. The car dealership conveniently has an SUV I am interested in. The dealership *might* be willing to work out a trade. HOWEVER. I am feeling very defeated at the moment, so I am not expecting this to work out.

Here's what I prophesize is going to happen.

I believe that I am gong to wait 6 weeks for the damn truck to be repaired, then have to drive it for the next 3-5 years. I will be miserable and bitter, and you will have to hear about it ALL THE TIME.

(i.e. "It was such a beautiful day today, only made less beautiful by the presence of that godawful truck that I am being forced to drive.")
("It would have been a wonderful trip, had we not been riding in that damn truck that I hate.")
("Everything in my life is perfect, except for my vehicle - a truck - which I hate to drive, and hate to ride in and hate to see in my driveway or to have associated with me in any way at all.")

So for all of our sakes, please send lots of positive thoughts my way. Thoughts that involve me being able to trade in a truck that is currently missing it's entire front end, for about what it would be worth had it not been in an accident. Because then all will be right with my world, and I wil be able to think of something besides this ridiculous twist of fate that smacked me right in the face.

Fate.....you fucker.