I have this cute boy, Max. Maybe I've mentioned him before about 1,000 times, because I totally adore him, and he is a complete mini-me, especially when he is doing something shitty. Every time I get mad at him, I realize that I did the EXACT SAME THING when I was a kid, and then I remember my mother telling me I was going to get mine one day. Boy, did I. Oh boy oh boy oh boy.
So today, I was......well, I was napping. There, I said it. I worked this morning, and then I came home, made lunch for Lucy and did some mending (yes, I said mending.....Suck it) and then I took a nap. So while I was napping, and Sami was "in charge" and "supervising", Lucy was watching Transformers (!?) and Max was playing in the living room with his best buddy from across the street.
Wait. I have to pause for a moment. Can I just sing the paises of having neighbors with kids the same age as your kids ? It ROCKS. If you ever have kids, and go to look for a place to live, make sure there are kids the same age as your kids. They will have constant playmates, and your life will be WAY easier. Just make sure the kids aren't assholes. Because that really defeats the whole purpose.
OK, back on track folks. So as I was saying, Max was playing in the living room with the boy from across the street. I come staggering out of the bedroom, all disoriented and looking for coffee (yes, I know, it's 5pm at this point and I am waking up and looking for coffee. Can we stay on topic please ?) ANYWAY I am standing there all bewildered because there are kids in the house that don't belong to me, and my son is asking me all sorts of questions about the "hum-berica flag". I have no idea what the hell he is talking about, and say so. He starts talking really slowly, like English is my second language, and I'm all, "Dude, I seriously have NO IDEA" what you are talking about." Sami comes in and helps to clear up the confusion. Max is talking about the AMERICAN flag. Now I am really confused. Why doesn't Max know that it is called the American flag ? And what kind of game is he PLAYING for god's sake ? So he shows me that he has built some sort of a building that looks like a barracks, out of a cardboard box. He has made several flags, representing various states and "Hum-berica", using his Boy Scout handbook as a guide. He is attaching the flags to straws, and taping them to the cardboard.
Apparently, this is fun for him (?)
So we had a half hour conversation about flags, and countries, and states, and then Sami pulled out the globe, and the next thing I know, I am still without coffee, in my pajamas, participating in a social studies lesson.
I just can't express how screwed up that is for me. I am *not* that mom. I'm just not. But it turns out, I kinda am. I love that kid, because he makes me be a better mom and a better person and a better contributor and listener. He teaches me things every day, and when he was born, I changed. I was instantly a mommy. It only happens once - you love all of your children, but the minute your first child is put into your arms is the day you experience this INSANE and PROFOUND change, at a molecular level. You are suddenly connected and wholly responsible for another person. It is some crazy, crazy shit.
The only thing that DIDN'T change is my prolific use (some say abuse) of Profanity. Here's how bad it can be: I went through this post and cleaned it up. A lot. You're welcome. I'm OK with Profanity - we understand each other, Profanity provides me with lots of ways to express myself. I use the words properly, and treat it with some respoect. It's a mutual admiration society. My kids are amazing, wise, gentle, loving souls, who just happen to know every dirty word that exists. My work here is done.
14 hours ago