Tuesday, February 16, 2010

So cold I can't feel my toes - the perfect time for a pedicure !

The big toe on my left foot is sort of gray-ish blue with cold. It aches - just my toe, mind you. Just that one toe on my left foot.

I wonder if it is possible to get frostbite, indoors, in Hawaii. Because I am pretty sure that is what's going on here. How unpleasant. That will totally ruin the look of the new open-toed shoes I bought last week. Seriously. Just call me stumpy.

So I might go get a pedicure - more to thaw out my feet then to replace the toenail polish I applied 5 weeks ago. And by "pedicure" I mean, remove the last few chips of "Budapest Berry" or what ever stupid fucking name this polish has been labeled with, and try to get the soles of my feet clean again. Of course, the clean feet will last only as long as it takes to get back to my house, where I will immediately step into my kitchen and put my foot squarely into Something Sticky and Sort of Wet. And then the pedicure magic will evaporate like the clock just struck midnight and I'll be sitting on the same filthy kitchen floor trying to scrub the bottoms of my feet with a baby wipe.

Because baby wipes clean everything.

And then I'll be all pissy, and wish I had a fairy godmother to clean my kitchen, or even just had someone to answer my Craigslist ad looking for someone (ANYONE) to clean the kitchen. Notice, I do not suggest cleaning the kitchen myself. Ho, no. It's too far gone. You know that little space between the floor and the bottoms of your cabinets? Scary. And under the stove? Good Lord. Don't look there. We may need a hazmat team to handle that area, now that I think about it.


But let's not think about that. Let's get back to the real issue at hand.
My toe. It's cold. And I think it needs a hand-painted flower or something. Something purty...... Something - dare I say it - sparkly. But first, maybe I'll just put on some socks. See how that works out.

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