Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Let's be honest. He's annoying the shit out of me.

Homeschooling. It's a lot of time at Home. Schooling.

And this is where I get all honest and confessional and say oh my god please help me please I haven't had a private phone conversation or pooped in peace in 2 months and I am LOSING MY FUCKING MIND.

How 'bout THEM apples?

So yeah, the homeschooling thing has been tough, but honestly I think it's also been GOOD for us. We gotta work through these rough spots and come out the other side a team. I'm still his mama, and I love him to bits, and he's my boy and he loves me too and what doesn't kill us (homicide or otherwise) will make us stronger in the end. In theory. Right now it's killing my will to LIVE, but I am sure that will pass. Or fade. Or my spirit will just be broken. Forever. (sigh)

But until then, until we can look back on this time through rose-colored glasses and remember those halcyon days where we were home together, we're home. Together.

I'll be the first one to admit, I am not mature enough to avoid a pissing contest with my son. He gives me lip and instead of getting all stern and using the mommy voice, I give him the hairiest eyeball I can muster and say something along the lines of "Oh REALLY." or maybe "I wouldn't say that again, if I were you." or the latest and greatest: "Get those Legos out of my face, kid, before I throw them in the street and Run Them Over sohelpmeGOD I will do it."

Our neighbors must be thoroughly impressed with my mad teaching skillz.

We have hired a teacher to help keep things civil, and moving in the right direction. I.E. completing 3rd grade. I make a hideous teacher. It's not just that I am not a fan of OPC (other people's children), which automatically recuses me from any sort of classroom setting, but that I am also not a huge fan of doing much of anything except eating and napping and working. I already DID the school thing. I worked hard, I did well, I graduated, and I am DONE. I never thought I would be revisiting fractions EVER AGAIN. And I'll tell you right now, these kids are going to have to figure out calculus on their own. I went to calculus once - for about 10 minutes. I didn't understand the review work posted on the board, I raised my hand and said "Mr. Parent," (who was, by the way, the best math teacher ever) "Mr. Parent," I said "I am in the wrong class." He came over to check my schedule and I assured him that yes, I was enrolled in that class, and indeed, was supposed to be in that very classroom......but that clearly, someone had grossly over-estimated my math skills and/or interest in math, and that we would need to correct this mis-calculation (pardon the pun) IMMEJIATELY.

He was a kind man, and sent me right to the guidance counselor where I said something along the lines of "You need to find me some other way to earn this one last math credit I need for graduation. Because I won't pass anything in that class but notes and wind." Duly noted, I was transferred TOOT SWEET and happily finished all my math credits in my junior year. Senior year I took English and 1 semester of PE. It was awesome.

My point is, this homeschooling is going to be very temporary. Just as long as it takes for me to get them both enrolled in a school for next year. Not a home school, either.

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