Saturday, November 28, 2009

Lame. The Seven Complications of Hosting Thanksgiving Dinner

I can't believe that I have not written anything since before The Big Day.

The big day was wonderful - there were a few complications.

Complication number 1: Working until about 2:30am Thanksgiving Morning. That was a miscalculation on my part. I did the math in my head, and figured "Hey, I can do this. Get to sleep by 3am, up by 10am, get started on the side dishes, throw the turkey in at noon, we're good to go."

There were a few things I maybe didn't think all the way through. Like, how the hell I was planning to stay awake until 3am. I am not what you would call a night owl. Insomniac, yes. But my insomnia doesn't kick in until later. So every night by 9pm, I am crosseyed with fatigue. Then I fall asleep for 2 hours, and wake up all bright eyed and "refreshed" and sit on the sofa by myself for 3 or 4 hours waiting to feel tired again. Skipping the evening nap was not easy, because when I actually DID get home and get ready for bed, I was past the point of no return.
I was bouncing off the walls. I was loopy. I was exhausted and deeply, profoundly, completely wide awake.
So I took a prescription sleeping pill. Which leads me to Complication number 2:

I took the sleeping pill before I got in bed. And then I was looking at Facebook waiting to feel sleepy, when it kicked in. Which was somewhat akin to being kicked in the forehead by a very angry donkey. Apparently. Because taking that pill is the very last thing I remember doing that night.

My husband reports that at about 2:55, a plaintive call came from the kitchen.

"Saaaaaammmmiiiiii. Saaaaaammmmmiiiiii................"

He found me, literally catatonic, leaning on the counter.

After carrying me to bed and getting me undressed, apparently I lay there talking to myself for a while before I passed out. Which leads, conveniently, to Complication number 3:

I did not get much sleep. And what I did get was drug induced. And when I woke up I was a complete zombie.

So I wandered around in my infamous lobster-print bathrobe, trying to remember what I was making for Thanksgiving Dinner. Unfortunately, I had not written any of that shit down. It was, after all, only three items. But I forgot which ones.

Eventually, dinner was put together and in the oven, and I headed out to get ice for the beer cooler. Complication number 4:

There was not a bag of ice to be found in town.

Not one.

I checked.

Mmmm. Warm beer.

Well, it cannot be helped. It is what it is. A holiday.

I went back home to finish up dinner, and to set the tables, and to discover Complication number 5: we had a bit of blustery weather blow in late afternoon, and due to a gale force wind, our outdoor seating plan rapidly became an indoor seating plan - especially when it started to rain.

And then, everything was done - all at the same time, nothing was burned, everything was delicious (except the vegan lasagne that my husband felt was much improved with some gravy and turkey meat applied liberally to the layers. Sigh.) And I was tired, which is when I discovered Complication number 6:

When you stay out until 2:30am, and then take a sleeping pill, and then wake up far too early and make Thanksgiving dinner for 15 get a little bit sleepy. Add some turkey and a full belly to the mix, and it leads to a very early bedtime - which is not conducive to hosting Thanksgiving Dinner. Especially the cleaning up part of hosting Thanksgiving Dinner. So I crawled in bed and told myself that I could enjoy my pie in the middle of the night when I usually wake up.....or in the morning before I left for work. And I called it a day.

And in the morning, I discovered Complication number 7. When you host Thanksgiving, and tell your guests to bring dessert, chances are good that they will take the leftover dessert with them when they leave. Apparently. Because when I woke up and went looking for pie, there was none.

The moral of this story is: If you host a dinner, and you want to hang on to your leftovers, you can't ask anyone to bring anything - otherwise, they might take it with them when they leave....and then you'll be left with nothing but a turkey carcass and three loads of dirty dishes. And some vegan lasagne.

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