Don't get all "Just Say No" on me now

Yesterday I mentioned that perhaps a little wine at the end of the day might help me deal with the ginormous task of Third Grade Homework.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But there is something else that would probably help too......and I am just not sure if I need more of it or not. I am speaking, of course, of prescribed pharmeceuticals.

My mother just LOVES it when I talk about my depression on this blog. Oh, she does. She really does. She would never encourage me to keep it quiet, in case anyone ever read about it and made a judgement about me based on my mental health - WHICH IS FINE. My mental health is fine, just a bit droopy, and a tad manic, and maybe a little OCD. Nothing major, I don't think they're gonna lock me up or anything. I mean, if Nancy W. Kappes (paralegal) and her Judy Garland Trail Mix is free to walk the streets, I have nothing to worry about.

Point being, I have tried a few different kinds of anti-depressants at the encouragement of multiple doctors, and they all leave me feeling sleepy and groggy and not myself. At all.

And I am FUN when I'm myself. So why ruin a good thing.

Which is why I am currently not taking any pharmaceuticals at all, and why by 1 pm yesterday I was shaking and teary. (Or maybe that was because I had not had anything to eat that day, and the only drink I had was an americano with about 2 inches of sweetened condensed milk stirred in. Don't knock it till you've tried it, but for GOD'S SAKE try it with food. Trust me on this one.)

ANYWAY the point of all of this is that I am not taking my antidepressants, so I'm depressed. Which means that this morning in addition to my espresso with sweetened condensed milk, I also had 3 strips of bacon. And now I am thinking about what else to eat, and reading The Pioneer Woman for inspiration because if anyone can come up with something that looks tasty to someone with no appetite, it's Ree. I'll bet she doesn't take antidepressants either, because with all of that bacon and all those cowboys, how could anyone possibly be depressed.

Homework sucks big hairy horse balls

I think that homework is going to be my undoing. My kid is in the 3rd grade, and half the time I don't even UNDERSTAND the assignment - never mind know the right answer.

Directions are vague at best. And - BONUS - according to my son the teacher many times tells them they can do it a different way.....so even following the instructions to the letter does not mean it will be done correctly. That is, if I can understand the instructions, which as I mentioned, I frequently cannot.

AND if I manage to understand the directions, and come up with an answer that makes sense, I certainly won't be able to explain it to my son.

The whole thing is a fucking DEBACLE (I LOVE that word) and almost every night I end up shouting about homework. Third Grade Homework. By the time this kid gets to middle school I'm gonna be in a straight jacket drooling on myself.

Homework sucks and I hate it and I always have and I always will.

The difference is, now I can write notes to the teacher. In the future, I may be sending notes that read something like this: "Max did the work the way I TOLD HIM TO and if it's wrong it's not his fault so please don't mark him down because of it."

And things like "This is the lamest book ever, and there is no way to outline a problem and solution in a chapter that covers 3 pages - with illustrations and large print. And trying to do so ended in tears. Family-wide tears. I hope you're happy."

And I also like to point out that "We stayed out late and Max didn't have time to finish his homeowrk, so we'll catch up tomorrow."

In case it appears that I am downplaying the importance of homework, I am NOT. I get the point of homework, and I understand it's importance. But I think homework is something my child should be able to do INDEPENDENTLY to show that he understands what he has been taught.

Since the only thing my son handles independently is wiping his ass (and even that is far from a A+ situation, if you know what I'm saying) we still have a long way to go.

Which is where we get to the real heart of the matter. The purpose for this post. The motivation behind my tirade.

I need more wine.