Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The list of things I should have done already (updated)

In life, there have been two things that have prevented me from doing things I want to do:

Commitments to others.

Lack of finances

And then, of course, there's the fear factor.

Or it could just be my penchant for procrastination.

So I am compiling a list of things I really want to do. And these are not things I want to do before I die - these are things I want to do as soon as possible. It would have been cheaper and easier and far more convenient to do them without two children in tow, but everything is better when it's shared with someone you love. Right? (Just do me a solid and agree with me here, the alternative is too depressing.) (Use the phrase "do me a solid" correctly was totally on my life list. Done.)

So, the list. As inspired by the Divine Ms M(aggie Mason) in preparation for Camp Mighty.
(2012 updates in parenthesis)
1. Take my kids to Lebanon to get to know their relatives and learn Arabic
2. Master a killer karaoke performance that will bring the crowd to it's feet.
3. Write a book (so people will stop asking me when I'm going to write a book). (SO close. SO CLOSE.)
4. Make really good fried chicken.
5. Yoga retreat in India
6. Learn to can/jar things
7. Open a roller rink
8. Buy a small house right on the beach. On the sand.
9. Set up a sewing nook and sew some stuff.
10. Laser hair removal. It's time.
11. Have an apple tree in my backyard for climbing and snacking.
12. Become a competent surfer who can paddle out without making an ass of myself or getting tired halfway out.
13. Touch my toes.
14. Master liquid eyeliner (victory!)
15. Change the oil in my car.
16. Also learn how to use the jack. Why the hell not.
17. Live in a city and rely solely on public transportation
18. Be the primary breadwinner for a while.
19. Find the perfect pair of Red Cowboy Boots
20. Teach English in a foreign country
21. Write a wedding ceremony. Then marry people.
22. Renact the entire movie Mamma Mia on a Greek island, playing all the parts.
23. Drive a bitchin' Camaro (CHECK - on the Vegas Strip, no less)
24. Do a girls roadtrip through the desert a la Thelma and Louise (bonus points if I do it in a Camaro)
25. Learn to sail a boat
26. Take a calligraphy class
27. Raise chickens
28. Run for public office
29. Learn to like my big nose
30. Run a 5k just so I know that I can do it without collapsing
31. Bake a souffle just so I know I can do it without it collapsing
32. Knit something that doesn't have holes and look dirty when I am done.
33. Dive off the deck of an overwater bungalow. Over and Over again.
34. Fly a plane
35. Have a regular column in a magazine
36. Have an office to go to each day. (CHECK! Although, ironically, I choose to go to a coffee shop instead)
37. Springtime in Paris
38. Rent an RV and tour New Zealand
39. Live in a hacienda with Bakey when we're old and gray with a hot pool boy/gardener and a masseuse(Can be the same person)
40. Pose for one of those costumed old-timey sepia photographs with Sassin
41. Play tambourine for Pearl Jam
42. Make croissants from scratch.
43. Take a group of friends to my grandmother's house on Inishbofin
44. Become debt-free
45. Raise my children to be amazing, kind, generous, loving people who can support themselves.
46. Have a bedroom that is big and bright, with a huge antique iron bed and lots of storage
47. Have a house with an AGA stove. A big AGA stove.
48. Go to a show on Broadway at night, all dressed up with a new makeover like Cher in Moonstruck.
49. Be able to live half the year in Maui and half the year somewhere else.
50. Forgive 2 people who have hurt me and who I no longer speak to.
51. Make photo albums annually for my kids and give to them each Christmas
52. learn how to play chess
53. learn how to rollerskate backwards
54. spend some time living in a farmhouse in France. Bonus points if David Sedaris is my neighbor.
55. have a long paved driveway that we can ride bikes and rollerskate on.
56. intern as a merchandiser at several iconic retail stores who's aesthetics I admire. Like Anthropologie.
57. Go back to the Virgin Islands and charter a liveaboard boat to sail around for a few weeks.
58. Buy a large piece of land with friends and family, build homes, and share responsibilities and expenses as a group. Stop calling it a commune, mom.
59. Clear out my closet once and for all, and stop buying random crap. Quality not quantity. (DONE!)
60. Build a small guestroom/playroom so family can visit more often. (COME VISIT, WE HAVE ROOM!)
70. Sell this house and buy something with more outdoor space and higher ceilings.
71. Buy a fabulous vintage ballgown and attend an event like The Costume Institute Gala at the Met.
72. Take my dog to a trainer who can teach him to stop humping other dogs. It's gross and embarrassing.
73. Bake my grandmother's lemon meringue pie. (A reluctant check. I am going to try again with packaged pie crust. Mine was like shoe leather. What a nightmare.)
74. Get paid to travel
75. get rid of those frown lines between my eyes. I frown too much, obviously.
76. Go to a really great event like SXSW with my husband and discover new bands together.
77. find a way for my husband and Slam's boyfriend to jam with Eddie Vedder
78. go to an open mic and perform
79. do a five minute stand up comedy routine at an amateur night
80. get a film role, even just a walk-on
81. win an award that I am proud of
82. rescue an animal - not from the pound.
83. start taking pictures again.
84. Make videos of the kids.
85. Take a river cruise in Europe (France?) where I can hop off and bicycle around.
86. Make a list of amazing things to do when the kids say they are bored.
87. Clip articles I love out of magazines and file them so that I can actually find them again
88. Learn how to work this drilling rig I'm fundraising for, then fly to Ethiopia and work with the drilling crew.
89. Re-establish Sunday night dinner at my house, and have a circle of friends that join us regularly.
90. Visit places that intrigue me like Bali, Cuba, and Maldives
91. Finish my epic tattoo, so that it actually tells a story and isn't a random bunch of small pieces.
92. Start speaking a foreign language at home with Sam and the kids. Maybe just in the car, or at dinner time to start.
93. Create a family tradition for Christmas Day.
94. Only use the computer during working hours.
95. Live somewhere with an incredibly low cost of living, so I can have a $10 massage every day if I want to. Oh, Thailand, I miss you.
96. Make chocolate, Eat it. Repeat.
97. Throw out underwear when it's time to get new ones - am I waiting for them to actually fall apart before I replace them? (I did it! It hurt to throw it away, but I just threw it away!)
98. Teach my kids to be really good drivers.
99. Stop letting money stress me out and make me feel bad. I give it too much of my time.
100. decide what I want to be when I grow up

Things that have been crossed off:
Own a Mini Cooper (leased, I'm okay with that)
Eliminate fast foods and soda from my diet (with exceptions for emergency McDonalds french fry cravings.)
Join a Roller Derby team
Bring a market basket with me to do my shopping, and stop using plastic carrier bags
Dye my hair red
Have a well-stocked pantry ready for whipping up a quick meal or special something
Take a spur of the moment international vacation when I see a cheap ticket online
Get Married in Vegas
Pierce my nose
Attend a cooking school in another country.
Try kombucha (actually yummy!)
Switch to more natural cleaning products
Cut down on using disposable stuff like baggies and paper towels
Find the perfect school for my kids
Skate at Rockefeller Center at Christmas time
Ring in the New Year in Times Square
Sell everything and move to Maui
Quit a job I need, because I hate it

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