Last month, we had the roach infestation. Which was bad enough.
Or so I thought.
But it turns out, it could be worse.
It could ALWAYS be worse.
Friday, I had a 3 gallon jug of water tip over in the back of the car. Just water, right? No big deal! Triple filtered, ultra-purified water, straight from the water store, even.
It'll dry up, no problem!
And then the car was closed up overnight. And half of the next day. And by noon on Saturday, it smelled like I had a dead body hidden under the back seat.
(Which I don't. Just to be clear.)
So I did the only reasonable thing.
Which was: leave all the windows open, to air out the car and facilitate the drying out process.
Which was a GREAT idea, except that leaving the windows open meant that one of my delightful neighbor's feral cats might have perhaps climbed inside for a nice nap in a warm car on a sunny day. And maybe he got startled, or was simply very soundly asleep, or perhaps just too lazy to leave the car. (I mean, let's face it, we've all had that middle-of-the-night debate: "Do I get up and pee, or wait a little longer? Can I wait a little longer and not piss the bed if I fall back asleep? If I get out of bed to pee, will I be up all night?"
It's not an easy call to make.
Whatever happened, however it happened, my car now smells like damp, hot cat piss.
And frankly, I'd rather have roaches.
I did nothing to deserve this sort of treatment.
My husband, on the other hand, accidentally ran over one of those damn cats last year when it was asleep under the car (??? We think???) and they have had it in for us ever since. I personally believe that cats do exactly what they want, when they want, and where they want, and fuck you, buddy.
I have seen cats pee in shoes, on beds and rugs, in the bathtub, and in corners of rooms right next to litter boxes. January truly is the cruelest month when your cat pisses on your radiator - trust me on this one.
So while it is no surprise that one of these little beasts sauntered over to my car, hopped up on the hood calm as you please, climbed through the open window, and made him (or her)self completely at home, it is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE and if I so much as see a whisker on my property I will get out the Supersoaker and make my feelings known.
But before I spray water anywhere, I will make sure my fucking car windows are closed.
1 hour ago