Monday, June 28, 2010

Prepping for another road trip - eerily like prepping for a colonoscopy or something equally unpleasant.

Tomorrow I am sitting my ass back down in the driver's seat, pointing the car north, turning on my beloved Glenda, and tuning out.

It's called Survival, and it's not just a TV show.

I have to get these people (um, I mean, my beloved grandmother and my two precious children) from Virginia to Rhode Island tomorrow, without hitting anyone or anything, and without leaving anyone at a rest stop.

I gotta be honest with you: I'm not feeling very confident.

So tonight, I went to Target (the "t" is silent here in paradise, I'm a fucking francophile when it comes to my retail) and stocked up on all the necessary supplies:
Chips Ahoy
String Cheese
Bubbly water
Iced Tea
Crack. I MEAN CRACKERS. Goldfish crackers (2 kinds, because I am all about choices)

New Legos
New coloring books
"Annie" (the movie)
Gorilla tape

So tomorrow, bright and early, please think of me. Please think of me, stuck in a small metal box, with the sun beating down, listening to non-stop inane chatter about a bunch of bullshit I seriously could not care less about, letting my grandmother tell me where to go and how fast to drive and how many miles we have driven and how many miles we have left and where the closest bathroom is and how to get the best gas mileage and why my cousins are so awesome, and pulling over to send threats in the general direction of the backseat (or possibly, the passenger seat, but for god's sake the woman is 84, let's show some respect.)

It's going to be a long, long, long ass day.

1 comment:

Judie said...

Oh,yes! I am with you in spirit only. I am absolutely not taking another one of Rod's marathon road trips! I am DONE! D O N E!!!
I had rather stick needles in both eyes, and have TWO colonoscopies back to back, than get back in the car for another cross-country trek!
God love you, sister!