I have reached the limits of human endurance

I am so looking forward to summer vacation with my children.
If I say that enough, maybe it will be true.

In the meantime, I am going to have to focus on not punching my son in the head.

Right now, he is standing next to me, in a hooded parka and fuzzy slippers and fleece pants, muttering about Antarctica, and making comments under his (stinky morning) breath like "Why do we have to live up here where it's so cold".

We live in fucking MAUI. HAWAII. It's (checks outdoor thermometer) 6:39am, and it's 66 degrees outside and the sun isn't all the way up yet.

The child has already been sent to his room because seriously? I don't need to listen to that shit. Thank GOD he goes to school in a few hours, so I can get a break from his baloney.

And the other one? Yeah, she's on my list too. Yesterday was Lucy's first day of summer vacation. She spent the entire day begging to watch TV, watching TV, eating me out of house and home, building forts, and whining about being bored. BUT she refused to get dressed or leave the house. So once again, my sympathy level is excruciatingly low. As is my patience.

To summarize. One child has had ONE DAY of summer vacation, the other one is STILL IN SCHOOL, it is (checks clock) 6:43 in the A M and I am already all kinds of pissed off.

I have a new plan. Starting next week, when we don't have to be anywhere, I am going to lock myself in my room with a cooler and leave them to fend for themselves. Maybe I'll finally write that novel I have floating around in my head, or maybe I'll just stay in there practicing tomahawk stops and peeing in a jar. Who cares? I'M ON VACATION.