Leaving on a jet plane, feeding my inner fears - but first..........

We are leaving for the mainland today, but first a brief update on the nightmare of my last post:
The principal investigated, spoke with the girl who had started the whole thing in graphic, vivid, gory detail, and asked her where she had heard such language.

From her mother.

Jaw ? Floor.

So needless to say, the school counselor was called in and of course it is all confidential but I would hope that the mother was called to the school and someone from CPS was also present to discuss her daughter's advanced understanding of oral sex. Because, well, really.

Let's move on, shall we ? Because really, every time I talk about this I feel nauseous.

So today. Today I am getting on a plane with the kids to begin a 6 leg trip to the mainland. Sami is not coming - which means I will be solely responsible for luggage, rental car, packing, carrying, lifting, loading, and everything else. We will be flying during the day, flying over night, staying in airport motels and traveling through 5 time zones.

I. Can't. Wait.

But you know, it's more then that. Sami and I are more then partners and best friends and spouses. We are an active team, giving each other breaks, support, encouragement, and playing the ever-important role of co-pilot. This is going to be a long and lonely trip for me, and there of course will always be that niggling fear I have in the back of my mind - to be traveling without him means that if something were to go terribly, awfully wrong....and if in some horrible accident we were somehow taken from him.....he would be left behind.

It sounds so melo-dramatic, but I assure you, it's not. I'm not sitting here wringing my hands, I'm just realistic. If he and the kids were to be involved in a tragic accident, and I was left behind, I would jump in the crematorium with them, I swear to god I would. I just cannot imagine that life. I just can't.

And the thought that by taking this trip, I am somehow opening us up to that possibility, seems foolish at best, cruel at worst.

So, needless to say, we'll have Lucy pray for us on the flight, and during the drives, and when we cross the street......you know, just in case.