I'm sorry, WHAT DID YOU SAY ?

Today Max recounted to me a very alarming playground tale, involving claims of consensual oral sex amongst 8 year olds.

You read that right.

If you need to go throw up, please feel free. I have been nauseous all afternoon.

The setting for this tale was not ON the playground, or even on school grounds, but it was recounted in graphic, vivid detail, according to my son.

I am, in a word, speechless.

He is 8. He is in third grade. He still has his BABY TEETH for christ sake.

In third grade, I didn't have even the vaguest idea about oral sex. I had a basic understanding of reproduction, sure. But not sex as a fun activity you do with friends.

I have two fervent hopes.

-I hope to god he isn't making this up, that this isn't a story he concocted from various bits of knowledge he has floating around in his brain - because I would have no idea where he learned about that sort of thing, and I would be devastated and totally panicked about how he could have acquired this knowledge with no TV and limited internet. And I would have him sitting in a shrink's office by the end of the day. For real. He seems confused and embarrassed. I don't think he's lying.

-I hope to god that the little girl he says is the one who was spinning this yarn isn't speaking from experience. Because if she is, she needs help. She needs support. She needs a safer living situation. She needs therapy.

And me ? I need a sleeping pill, because I cannot get this out of my head and I am literally sick over it.