Tonight, I stood at the kitchen counter and glared at the children until they meekly finished their desserts. Because I am (pause for effect)
Dude. I am getting old. Because of Mr Barf-o-rama, last night I slept on the couch, far far away from our comfy but contaminated bed. And I use the word "slept" very loosely, as there was very little sleep, and a lot of tossing and turning and thinking mean thoughts. I woke up sore and cranky, and went to work. It was a quiet morning. In the first hour, I had only had one table, and I was really giving it my all. I gave them a rousing description of the specials - and sold 3. Seared Ahi Benedict ! Mango Blueberry stuffed French Toast ! Sausage Gravy and Biscuits ! My heart sang !
(The fourth customer at the table got the basic breakfast......sooooo boring).
So anyway, they all got big breakfasts. I gave them many coffee refills. I brought condiments, I fetched pastries, I chatted and smiled and really - I thought we were all having a lovely time !
And then, they paid and left. Do you see the important part of this picture that is missing ?
THE TIP. They did not leave a tip. On an $80 tab. No. Tip. At all. None.
So, here are my tips for the day. (HAHAHA - get it ? My TIPS for the day. sigh.)
OK, let's get to it. Public Service announcement number 43.
1. Always get a good nights sleep before work or school.
2. When mommy is tired, just go to bed. Seriously. It will be more fun in your room alone, then trying to tell me some long drawn out story or show me some new Lego creation. I don't care. I am tired and sore and cranky and I love you but I will love you EVEN MORE after I get some sleep. You can stay up As Late As You Want. Just keep it quiet so I can pretend I don't know you are still awake, and so that I can fall asleep.
3. When you eat in a restaurant, and someone comes to your table and takes your order and brings you food and/or drink, leave a fucking tip. You cheap bastard. If you don't want to tip, don't sit down - take it to go and get the hell out.
4. When you are sick and you have contaminated the bedroom, it is important that once you are feeling better, instead of going to your friends house and playing WII, that you decontaminate your room. Change the sheets. Do some laundry. Open a DAMNED WINDOW for the love of God.
OK, that's it. Vent over. I am going to bed. In my own bed. That I decontaminated myself, and probably will come down with the barf bug as a result.
You have been warned.
7 hours ago