So today, once again, I find myself feeling...what ? Overwhelmed ? Angry ?
Maybe, at the end of my rope. With everyone. And everything.
I am so very, very tired of being out of control. Nothing is under control. Not the house, not the bills, not the car, not the kids, not the dog. Everything, and everyone, is running amuck, all loosey-goosey, if I am not contantly On Alert. And my alert is sore. I can't stay on it anymore.
You know what would be fucking awesome ? It would be fucking AWESOME to come home from work to a spotless house, clean kids, and dinner. Now, granted, Sami doesn't come home to that too often, but maybe once or twice a week he does come home to a pretty clean house and dinner.....however, *I* have *never* had that experience. Except for when I came home from that hideous trip last month. The house was clean then - but there were no KIDS in it, so I don't think it really counted. Because the real trick is cleaning the house with the kids INSIDE.
To add insult to injury, Sami told me tonight our house was cluttered. It was like a knife in my heart. I don't WANT a cluttered house.
Cluttered house, cluttered mind.
So I guess that explains everything.
My House. Cluttered.
My Mind. Also cluttered.
This is a vicious cycle.
5 hours ago