I have decided that CNN.com can no longer be my homepage. I cannot have that level of anxiety every time I log in to my computer. I just can't. So this here is going to be my last post about current, news making events for a good long while. I mean, I am still going to share MY personal events. But I am not going to be addressing news items. I have nothing to add, and frankly, I don't want to think about it anymore then I absolutely have to - this is supposed to be my safe place, dammit.
But back to CNN.com. Today, we had missing children, crazy weather, stampedes, financial collapse, war, death.....and Scarlett Johanssen got married. That was the only link I even felt compelled to click on at 7am. No pictures. Fuck. Throw me a BONE people. One blurry telephoto-lens shot ? Not ONE ? No caterer taking photos on her cellphone ? Come ON!
So, there I was, at 7am, surveying the news, and longing for something, ANYTHING, just slightly less then completely depressing. Kids in feezers, tainted baby formula, recruiters committing suicide, gas shortages, and on and on and on. Not one single positive story. Everything was fatalistic, doom and gloom, blood and guts, heartbreak and hysteria. I know all of this "stuff" is out there. I am not an ostrich. I am not hiding from reality - I am just maybe taking a little breaky-poo.
It's familiar - I'm feeling the way I feel every four years - helpless. Only this year, the election and the war are joined by some sort of financial crisis. Whether it's real or invented or blown out of proportion or way worse then we realize - none of it matters. It is what it is, and we just have to figure out where to take our own, personal next step. If each of us takes steps in the right direction - away from unsecured debt, towards stability and freedom - then the world will be a better place. La di da. That is easier said then done. I didn't mean to have unsecured debt. But my property value tanked and my expenses went up and I decided to become a freelance writer, and, well.
Well. You can imagine.
I read an article today that said that the cash infusion from the "bailout" would allow people to borrow money again.
Have we not learned ANYTHING from this experience ? Who's the ostrich ? In *most* countries, homes are paid for in cash or trade. So are cars. And vacations and food and utilities. Here in the good old USA, your gold card is as good as, well, gold. Maybe better in this market. You can pay for everything, from McDonalds to the mortgage, with a credit card (believe me, I know these things, it can be done.)
So now what? We are in the hole, and lots of people (shit, I hope I am not the only one. Please tell me I am not the only one.) have a mortgage, and a credit card, and a car loan, and student loans and all the while, our expenses are going up up up.
So I am sitting here, carefully NOT looking at CNN.com, and counting my blessings.
Because even as the stock market tanks, I take stock of what we have - not on paper, but in our lives. And it's pretty damn good. Even if it was just us and my car, we would be OK. More then OK. We'd be together. And we wouldn't have to work every second of every day to make ends meet, just to keep a roof over our heads and food in the fridge. So I really, finally, feel very at peace. Whatever happens, happens. We all do the best we can, and that is the best we can do.
44 minutes ago