An embarrassment of riches

I am writing this because we, as a family, have a similar experience every January, and I need some help figuring out an alternative.

Between Max's birthday and Christmas, he receives an insane amount of stuff in December. So much that it cannot be appreciated or enjoyed.

We honestly have stopped buying Christmas presents for the kids, because it has gotten so out of control. This year, I had bought a few things over the past few months, and we put half of them back in the attic to be given at another time, or to friends.

Max received about $500 worth of LEGOS this year, which was wonderful, but really too much for him to handle. We have Legos everywhere. They are under every piece of furniture, scattered in the backseat of the car, and probably in the yard (though I have specifically asked him - over and over again - not to take them out of his room.) He has lost pieces, and I just discovered has given some away, or "traded" - though he can't remember what he got in return. In addition - these new Lego sets are just that - sets. They are basically teaching kids to build models - and once the model has been built, well, the fun appears to be over. No more building nameless, brandless castles in red and blue and green and yellow - now everything has a specific place it belongs, and frequently the design cannot really be diverted from. The creativity is definitely limited....Which I didn't realize, really, until I saw all of these TINY pieces, many of them CLEAR !!!!!

And the Transformer obsession of last year ? Over. I am going to be devastated if next year he has decided he is "over" Legos, considering everyone's generosity.

So, I need advice. I am trying to rein Max and Lucy in, teach them about want v.s. need, and I hate to be a scrooge. But I really cannot handle the influx of "stuff" every December. Their rooms are full to overflowing. Their clothes don't fit in their dressers. They are VERY lucky kids, and I would love some ideas to help them to be more aware of this, and perhaps ways that they could share what they have. It's not that I don't want them to have Christmas presents - because I really REALLY do. And I want them to get gifts they love and are excited about. But Lucy, for example, got ONE Barbie Doll. Perfect. Max got 6 different Lego sets. Argh.

I know I don't get too many comments here (and I am not sure if it is my settings, or just that I don't inspire them !) but if you would be so inclined as to share any words of wisdom, I would really appreciate it.

When the hell is this vacation going to be over

Seriously.

The State of Hawaii adopted a year-round school schedule.....which would be SWEET except it's a total pain in the ass to have the kids home for such long periods of time, several times during the year.

Max doesn't go back to school until sometime next week (Tuesday, I think) and I just don't know if I can take it. And then the following week, I think he has another day off for MLK day or something.....and then a few weeks after that MORE time off for something else......the whole thing is a hassle and I am annoyed. I like the concept of the year-round calendar, but the reality is tough to live with.

Moving on...... I am signing Lucy up for nursery school this week.
Yeah.
It's time.
I am kind of freaking out, because it is a lot of money.....but she is ready (more then ready) and I think she will really enjoy it, so......yep. School. I just have to come up with the money for the deposit. HAH !

IN other news.......Sami built a fence this weekend, for the dog that he didn't really want, but secretly takes pictures of at any opportunity. He finished everything but the gate - it is currently closed with a piece of plywood. Last night, the plywood blew down, the dog got out, and RAN RIGHT TO OUR BACK DOOR AND SAT THERE.

I love him.

When we didn't go get him (it's a long story, but we didn't go right out there - let's just say we had some ghosts and we were trying to get Lucy to go back to sleep in her own room) he took one of my slippers from the doormat, and went back into the fenced yard (stepping over the fallen plywood) and resumed his post under the house, eating my slipper.

I hate him.

But the fact is, he is awesome, and he loves car rides, and I think that when my baby goes off to school next week, he is going to keep me company. He'll be my sidekick (I just typed "sidelick" and almost left it like that on purpose. Freudian.)

I'm here, I'm here.....

OK, so it took me a few days to recover. Saturday night I informed Sami that we were going OUT to dinner. I had a craving for chinese food, and dammit, we were going to get some. Even if I couldn't really walk, and my back hurt so much that I whimpered every time I changed position.

We trundled down to Watercress in the pouring rain, and binged on saimin, beef and broccoli, and garlic chicken. I sucked down two CocaColas, the kids had ice cream for dessert. It was so exactly what I wanted - though you might not have known it if you saw me nodding off a few times during the meal.

I have slept a lot over the past 36 hours. Power sleep. 12 hours at night, 2 hours on the beach, an hour on the sofa here and there. My body is slowly coming out of it's short-circuited stiff and achy state. My mind is clearing, somewhat.

And yesterday, as I came out of the fog, I looked around my house and totally lost my shit.

There were PILES of THINGS everywhere. The living room, and both kids bedrooms, were littered with Legos. There were crayons, coloring books, art supplies, and paper everywhere I turned. Boxes, with tissue and gifts and wrapping paper and god knows what else were scattered all over the couch, the coffee table, and the kitchen counter.

I started with the tree. With an attitude reminscent of Xena, Warrior Princess, I took the tree down in under 15 minutes. Ornaments were flying, boxes were retrieved from the attic, I dismantled the symbol of the holiday with the tinsel and lights still attached, so desperate to have the damn thing down and away and out of my sight.

The children responded to my raised voice and angry tone in short order. Toys were removed from the surfaces of the living room and kitchen, and they scurried back and forth to their rooms silently, shuttling gifts and toys and clothes and assorted other "things".

I vacuumed.
Sami put things away in the attic.
Sami also put away some laundry, and did some dishes.
I shoved the pieces of the sectional around the living room until I came up with a acceptable layout.
I took down every red and green, gold, sparkly, flashing, plug in piece of holiday crap I could find.
Wreaths were taken down from the outside of the house.
I even soaked off my artificial nails - especially applied for the holidays.

In one hour, we went from festive holiday chaos, to peace and order restored.
Christmas ? It's OVER, dude. O-VER.

Hallelujah.

Maybe I should just sleep at the cafe

Hi there. It's 11pm. I have just returned home from the cafe. I have to leave again in 8 hours, to go back to work.

Ho Ho Ho.

I will be regaling you with tales of a really special yoga class, complete with straps and men without underwear and all sorts of other fun stuff that I know you are just DYING to read about.... Plus, I can tell you all about the latest and greatest adventures of Boston the wonder dog.

Are you on the edge of your seat ? Will you be checking back often ?

Oh good.

xo

Holy Night

Holy Mary Mother of God. That seems to be just about the most appropriate curse I can come up with right now, because I'll bet that woman was tired too, after dragging her damn self all over town just trying to find a place to sit her ass down.

Today I walked into the cafe, and was offered a shift - starting right then and there. And it was busy in the restaurant, and I didn't have enough cash to pay for the breakfast we were planning to eat ANYWAY, so I said yes. Yes of course. Absolutely. I would *LOVE* to work.

And I was thrilled - it was busy, I made money, everyone was happy, all was well.

But my god, I think my legs might fall off. I am not just saying that. I mean it.

Fall. Off.

But it is all worth it because, you see, I am trying to be a real honest-to-goodness writer. I need to earn my street cred. Real writers (and actors, and musicians) wait tables. Or enjoy an assortment of other cash-money, easy to quit gigs that do not require (nor provide) references.

And as a writer, I need to make some cash money, to finance my extremely tenuous monthly budget.
Hah. Budget my ass. More like, write some checks and just hope it all works out.
Oops. Except for that auto-payment for the cellphone that I forgot about. Oh, shit, and the car payment that gets deducted each month. (sigh). I think I just made a big boo-boo in my checking account.

I am very overdraft dependent. As any self-respecting writer would be.

I am also angst-filled, and overly dramatic, and I like to drink and smoke and talk while waving my hands around. I take long hot showers, where I compose columns and articles and press releases in my head, and then run - naked - to the computer, clutching my towel around me and trying to get everything out of my very cluttered mind, and onto my hard drive.

I bet you are SO GLAD I shared that with you.

Let's get back in the holiday spirit, shall we ?

Today, we delivered a Christmas meal and presents to a family that was identified by a social services agency as "needy". We explained to the kids that we were going to go and bring food and presents to a family that could not afford to buy gifts this year, or have a nice meal. That really, everyone deserved a present on Christmas, and that we had so much, it was important to share. I think I prepared them well. They were excited, glad to be "playing santa" and proud to be helping someone in need this holiday season.

They would not be quite so needy, methinks, if they sold their GIGANTIC WIDE SCREEN TV.

When the father opened the door, we were all mesmerized by the TV. The TV that was, literally, the size of a small car. It took up most of one wall of the living room. When I say it was a good 5 or 6 feet across (and not diagonally - I mean straight across) I am not exaggerating.

Disillusionment, anyone ?

I'd like to say, to anyone in need....let me know how I can help. I want to help. It makes me feel good inside to help others. Need someone to watch the kids ? No problem. Need a ride ? I'll be there. Want to come over for dinner ? See you at 6.

But don't tell social services that you are in need of Christmas presents for your kids, when there is literally so much shit in and around your house, that you could open a second-hand store.

You know what I do when I need money ? I have a YARD SALE. I sell things on Craigslist. I don't call Family Services and sign up for charity. If you have a roof over your head, then there is someone more in need then you this holiday season.

And if you have a TV the size of a golf cart, you should just go fuck yourself, because you know what, those things are obnoxious, and I bet your neighbors below you and next door to you HATE YOU FOR IT.

Happy Holidays, asshole.
(Oh, did that sound negative? I really didn't mean it that way. I meant it in the lighthearted, fun way. Ha. Hahaha. Asshole.)

xmas goodies

One of my favorite things about the holidays is the music.
And then, there are the parodies, that make me laugh so hard I almost wet pants. (OK, sometimes I actually wet my pants. So sue me.)

So, without further ado - some holiday cheer.
Eggnog optional.


The below URL takes you to a page that has multiple SNL Holiday classics, like "The Christmas Song" and "The Hanukkah Song" and "Christmas for the Jews" - one of my all-time favorites.
http://www.mahalo.com/SNL_Christmas_Song

Sometimes you get the worm - and sometimes, the worm gets you

Today I had a really hard day. Trying to juggle holidays, meals, work, kids, errands, attempt to do some laundry - and completely bagged on cleaning the house.

I mean, really. What's the point.

If it isn't obvious yet, my prescription still isn't here (oh, Prozac, how I love you. You make the world seem more peaceful and fair.)

I cancelled our American Express card (also known as my meal ticket) today because, well, I am tired of living according to someone else's whim. These credit card companies are BASTARDS, and today, they just pushed me too far. These employees are obviously on some sort of crazy power trip and you know what, I am over it. Don't send me an offer to transfer a balance, and then DENY IT. You asked, you idiot ! Don't repond by behaving as though I have asked for your firstborn.

It's cash only from this point onward. We build enough credit with the damn mortgage, I don't need revolving credit to help me out.

I put a new For Sale sign on the truck - not even a nibble yet, but maybe it will just take a little time.......Doesn't someone want a nice blue truck for Christmas ?

Tonight I am going to make Creme de Menthe bars (one shot for the mixing bowl, one shot for me.....one shot for the bowl, one shot for me.....) and maybe some fudge. I don't know. I'm playing it by ear. I think I am going to need some additional support to make it through the evening.

Prozac, wherefore art thou Prozac.........

Fa la la la la

Hoooooo Boy. Did you know it's almost Christmas ? Yup. Sure 'nuff.
Almost. Christmas.

The reason I know it is almost Christmas is that yesterday was my son's birthday. And for the past 8 years, my son's birth has signaled the onset of the Christmas panic.

Of course, yesterday, I kind of, well, forgot. That it was his birthday.
I mean, I had remembered previously. Even the night before. But the actual morning of his birth ? Not so much, actually.

(cough)*asshole*(cough)

So my son went to school on his BIRTHDAY without me saying "Happy Birthday Baby ! You are my favorite boy ever !"

My husband called right after I got back from dropping hiim off at school (without saying Happy Birthday).

"Hi Honey. Just calling to say Happy Birthday to the boy before he goes to school."

"OH !" (panic - mind racing) "Um, Actually, he's already there !" (fake smiley voice sets in)

I immediately email his teacher - all caps - TODAY IS MAX'S BIRTHDAY. I AM BRINGING CUPCAKES. I didn't mention that I had forgotten to wish him a happy birthday,but trust me - by the time he got to class, he knew. The teacher told me later that he pulled his desk into a corner for reading and sat, alone, facing the wall.

I showed up at 1:15, with cupcakes and the Happy Birthday hat from Disneyland, in the shape of a cake with illuminated candles on top. I sang Happy Birthday at the top of my lungs. We came home and after dinner he got his presents - electric drums (from us) and a huge Star Wars Lego ship to put together (from Gran).

I think all was forgiven.
But it doesn't make it OK. Not at all.

Let's all breathe a sigh of relief that my prescription is due in the mail tomorrow, and in just a few days I should have my wits about me. And I promise I will not forget Christmas.

Stuck in Atlanta

Let's just say that this is not my finest moment in travel.

I am so pissed right now, I can't stand it.

It rained in Atlanta today, which apparently grounds flights ?! PEOPLE ! It's fucking RAIN. It's 2008. We can't work something out ?

Why no, no we can't.

I would write more, but seriously, I am just too pissed. And I am in a really shady motel with the kids, and will miss my connection in Seattle tomorrow, so I won't get home until mid-Friday - no work for me Friday morning. Fuck.

I am broke, tired, pissed off, and something I ate has given me gas. Or maybe it's just stress. Whatever. Fuck.

Black Friday

Black Friday was not black at all ! I woke up of my own accord at 5am, threw on some clothes and drove to the nearest Dunkin Donuts (natch). Thus fueled, I asked the lovely lady behind the counter how to get to my first destination.....Ocean State Job Lot. After a bit of driving about, trying to follow some rather complicated directions that actually were not complicated at all, I found the great Job Lot. I came, I saw, I conquered. Then I headed to Kohls, which was conveniently located RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Now that was the true, crazy, early morning shopping experience I was looking for. I found some great things for the kids, got myself a pair of earrings, and hit the highway, looking for the mall. Which I found, like a beacon of glory off in the distance. I got a parking space in the front row. I found Sami a ********** on clearance. I used coupons, I got free gift wrapping, I was home by 10am. It was such a thing of beauty - so perfectly orchestrated and successful - that I almost didn't know what to do with myself.

The rest of the day was spent with Sharon, the woman who introduced me to my husband, welcomed me into her family, and is always the hostess with the mostest. Sami took the kids bowling, and I was footloose and fancy free. As soon as I walked in the door - and we were on our way to her family's house for a huge post-holiday meal - she asked if I wanted to go to the "best chinese buffet ever."

Uh, yeah. Of course I do. Why are we sitting here talking about it ?

So, we went to the buffet, and gorged ourselves just like the old days. It was fabulous.
THEN we went to her family's house to eat, again. But the food wasn't quite ready, and we were antsy, so we went out and bought wine, and stopped into her apartment, and went to Starbucks, and THEN went back to the house for dinner.

I fell asleep on the couch.

It was a good day.

Thankful

Thanksgiving Day began with an overpriced thanksgiving morning breakfast next to a drafty window. Hmph.
Then we went to the front desk, to clear up our registration issues.

In the process of discovering that they had no idea what room we were in - I don't know why they didn't just consult the LEGAL PAD) they also offered me bracelets for bleacher seats in the viewing stands for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. We walked outside, and were met with barricades and a wall of people. There was no way we were going to be able to get to the stands without detouring several blocks - and it was cold. And we were worried that we would get over there, and then not be able to get out again if we needed to. So we ditched the bracelets.

We watched the parade for a little while, so the kids could see how big the balloons were, and the floats. But we were so far away, it was hard to tell ! After about an hour, we decided to go back to the hotel, watch the parade on TV, and get dressed for our Thanksgiving.

Back in the room, chaos reigned. I was trying to pack, the kids were running around like lunatics, we had the parade on full blast in addition to hearing it outside in the street, and the sleeper sofa was still pulled out, so we were edging around the room while I tried to iron our dress clothes. I had to have another drink. Or three.

Finally, we headed downstairs, only to be confronted by another mob scene at the front desk. We literally could not get to the front desk to check out, and I was not going to stand in line for an hour, so we just bailed on the whole thing and I figured I would call the hotel in a little while and check out over the phone. I had already called for the car to brought out of the garage, and when we got downstairs, we were told that they wouldn't give us our car until we had checked out. Fuck.

So I went back upstairs and did one of the rudest things ever. I walked right past the long line, pushed my way through the crowd, and got the attention of one of the desk clerks. I told her that the car was already downstairs, and our kids, my husband, and the valet were all standing down there. She got the picture, stamped the ticket, and I ran down to the waiting car, which the valet had unlocked and allowed the kids to get into in the meantime.

I pulled a u-turn in front of the hotel, and drove the wrong way down a one-way street. The parade had just ended, and there was just a wall of humanity moving slowly away from the parade route. I had my NY driving ability in gear, so I just charged through, and hopped on the highway, getting out of town in record time. We were heading for Westport, and a restaurant called the Red Barn, to have Thanksgiving dinner with my family.

It turns out the Red Barn is a restaurant that is very popular with the senior citizens of Fairfield County. Every table had a crowd of blue hairs, all hunched over these plates that were just PILED with food - hence the popularity, I guess. The doggie bags would feed a family of four. It was outrageous, the amount of food they were putting on those plates. And while I was sitting there, getting all worked up about how much food was going to waste, and how no one should ever eat that much food in one sitting, my aunt looked over my shoulder and said "Is that man throwing up?"

Why yes, yes he certainly was. Right outside the window. Not 5 feet away. And he was facing me and puking into the landscaping, so i had a front row seat to the Greatest Show on Earth. Awesome.

While the old man was retching into the shrubs, a firetruck, ambulance and police car all pulled up with their lights flashing. Oh good, I thought, this nice old man is going to get some medical attention. But no. They were there for some other old guy who was having a medical emergency in a different part of the restaurant.

The whole situation was so bizarre that really, the only thing I could do was laugh.

Once everyone was done puking, and CPR-ing, and eating, we got back in the car and headed for Boston, to have Thanksgiving meal number 3 - this time with Sami's family. We arrived, we sat, we chatted, and then drove to another aunt's house to sleep. And it was good. The end.

More later.

Day two of Eggnog Fest 2008

I should start by telling you I'm drunk. Drunk posting is never advisable, but it can't be helped.

I am making a good start at emptying the fridge, refrigerated item by refrigerated item. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it, and it might as well be someone who already doesn't fit into any of their pants, right ?

My first target is the 1/2 gallon of eggnog that I am working my way through.

Eggnog and dark rum is good. I thought it wouldn't be, but it turns out I was very , very wrong indeed. HOWEVER, mid-afternoon I began eating a very sharp Irish cheddar type cheese, and switched to a dark porter-style beer.
Coconut Porter

I am now quite drunk, and moving on to the Chicken Parmesan I made using the fresh mozzarella and open jar of tomato sauce that was also in my fridge. Later, I am going to scope out our veggies but for now I need to heat up a Tupperware of leftover pasta.

You know, I could really get into this whole "cleaning out the fridge" thing. But I may be maxxed out for the day.....I think I might need to go to bed, actually.

More later.