200 posts, and not a damn thing to say

Congratulations, you are reading my 200th post here at Adventures in Paradise.

It's not really my 200th post, because I have a whole separate blog, hidden away under lock and key with a different url and everything set to private private private. It's where I write things that I don't feel like sharing with other people. I name names, I use even fouler language, I whine and piss and moan, and make a scene.

Yeah, even more then I do here. Hard to imagine, isn't it.

I am sort of glad that I don't have anything really earth-shattering to write about. We had a nice weekend. We went to Hana, we camped, we ate insane amounts of food and discussed what to eat next. We drank liquor that was expressly forbidden at the campground. We tossed around the idea of re-enacting the crucifixion, starring my husband and Fagan's Cross. I cannot for the life of me remember the details of the conversation, but much hilarity about crucifixion and my husband's resemblance to Jesus ensued.

I ate about 1/2 dozen cupcakes, smeared with butter cream frosting, in honor of Lucy's birthday.

I restrained myself from eating Easter Candy until we got home - save the s'mores made with Easter-themed marshmallows (We were going to use Peeps again, but decided that the sugar on the Peeps was much too flammable and those damn things couldn't hold up in the fire. Pussies.)

And we ate soupy. Lots of soupy. Really. A lot. If you are reading this and scratching your head and saying to yourself "What is soupy ?" then SHAME ON YOU. You clearly have no idea how to celebrate Easter, and you should educate yourself immediately. Then, you too can spend a January weekend in your freezing cold basement grinding meat and shoving it into intestines and then waiting until the frost breaks and the temperature has risen and then on Easter morn, you can enjoy your soupy. And any intestinal discomfort is your own damn fault and don't say I didn't warn you.

This is so much better then cleaning the shower

Every so often I pop over to Sunday Stealing and check out the meme optios. Lately, there have been a few that I just didn't want to answer. So I tracked back to a previous Sunday's offering, and found THIS:

1. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
I am limiting this to local restaurants because otherwise, we would be here for a while.....so my short answer is probably the Moana, but I also really like MaLa and when I am going local (extemely, up close and personal, down and dirty local) I go to Tiffany's or Watercress. Cheap beer. What can I say.

2. What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it?
Hm. Mashed potatos and gravy. Ice Cream. That's about it....I like variety.

3. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Besides a 10 pound baby ? Yeah, I've had some stuff removed.

4. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
Lucy. GOD she's getting heavy.

5. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Only by an anesthesiologist.

6. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No. God no. It would make me insane. I am not the sort of person who would make peace with my death, or come to terms with it...I would be pissed off, right until I was gone for good.

7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
I have to say that as far as first names go, I am OK with mine. I mean, it's definitely not run-of-the-mill. I think the world has more then enough Jennifers.

8. What’s your goal for the year?
To try to get through the year.

9. Last person you hugged?
Willow, when she dropped off Pema PAINFULLY EARLY. However, *I* got to go back to bed, and *Willow* had to go to work. She definitely had the harder morning.

10. First place you went this morning?
Bathroom - frantically brushing my teeth before Willow arrived.

11. Do you always answer your phone?
No. Actually, I used to, and my phone-answering habits have totally changed. I actually (gasp) turn off the ringer sometimes.

12. It’s four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Trouble. Or Trippy. Or someone on the mainland who forgot about the time difference.

13. If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Green. I think green would be acceptable, possibly even an improvement.

14. What’s on your wish list for your birthday?
I would love an overnight with Sami that allowed for sleeping in and breakfast in bed.

15. Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Well, it's hard to say - I am excited about the possibilities, but nervous about the actualities.

16. Do you have any saved texts?
If I did, they're gone now...my phone's screen shit the bit yesterday.

17. Ever been in a car wreck?
Um, yes.



18. Do you have an accent?
Well, I guess that would depend on who you ask, and whether *they* had an accent.

19. What was the last song to make you cry?
Well, I laughed so hard I cried when I watched the Fork in the Disposal song and dance number......does that count ?


20. What did you do last night?
I got my tootsies painted, and I folded laundry and attempted to read Vanity Fair before I just passed out in bed.

21. Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Well, I hate to yes....what if, God Forbid, it wasn't rock bottom ? I mean, there could be worse out there....suffice to say, I have been very very low.

22. Current hate right now?
Really, none. I am feeling quite mellow.

23. Met someone who changed your life?
Everyone I meet changes my life somehow....just by knowing them. Right ? But there have been a few people who have just totally changed who I am as a person....namely my son. I mean, what changes you more then becoming a parent, really ?

24. How did you bring in the New Year?
Drunk on my sofa, with fireworks exploding on the street in front of my house.

25. What song represents you?
Oh Good Lord.

Would you bring your mom to a frat party ?

In an homage to my gastronomic excess (and distress) I had my toes painted a lovely shade of Pepto Bismol - and they are there, wiggling at me, like a schoolmarm chastising a naughty student. Today, remarkably, I have not felt like eating much of anything (oh thank god). I have been catching up on emails and facebook...and I think right now, we have to have that talk about Parents on Facebook.

Yes, I know. Some people, nay MANY people, have befriended their parents on facebook. And I, I am not one of them. Maybe it is a sign of my immaturity. Or some strange need to delineate Parent from Friend. And probably, I just used the word delineate wrong. But I think I make my point. Facebook is a place where you can find photos of me in full swing on St. Patricks Day. Facebook is a place where I communicate with old friends, new friends, and assorted siblings, cousins and other relatives that are living similar lifestyles, and still find drunken debauchery and obscene status updates amusing, or at least, inoffensive.

Just as I would not bring my mother to a frat party, I will not bring her into my facebook.

This has all come to a head because, while my mother has not requested my facebook fellowship, she has provided me with several newspaper clippings detailing the act of befriending a parent or (oh, the horror !) a grandparent, and how wonderful it was, and how it has strengthened ye olde familial bond. She has also befriended my brothers, and my sister in law. Obviously, they are more enlightened then I am - or just better behaved. Someone who HAS requested to be added as a friend is a woman who is not my mother, per se, but does fill a motherly role in my life......and while HER daughters are her facebook friends, I am not. And I do not see that changing. This is an across-the-board policy I have - anyone old enough to be my parent cannot be my facebook friend. No exceptions. I will be checking IDs.

So clearly, yes, this is my own little issue. And I bear the thorny crown with pride. My feelings are so strong about this, it has led me to begin perusing my list of friends, and seeing who, exactly, they are friends with - and as a result of that friendship, who might have access to some of my less-then-stellar moments in front of a camera or saucy notes-n-quotes. I feel a thinning of the herd coming on.

I have eaten for 5 days straight - don't hug me too hard.

Well, THAT was awesome.

The trip was too short - we had to change and/or cancel some plans, and we left wishing we had just one more day (and maybe a non-stop flight home, that would have been cool). But all that means is that we will just have to plan ANOTHER trip, perhaps in the fall......

While my efforts made ony a small dent in the foodie scene in Seattle, they made an enormous impression on my pants size, and I came close to hurting myself several times. ("just....one.....more...dumpling") It was all food, all the time. Every meal was planned out, and every activity revolved around our meals, as it should.

We ate platters of southern fried goodness, we ate delicate plates touched with sage foam and scented with truffle oil, we ate dim sum at 9am and fruit at midnight, we ate fresh baked goodness - including a bright red frosted birthday cake which was undoubtably the kids favorite. We wrapped the whole thing up with some awful Mexican food at LAX on the way home. A travesty.

I can sum up the entire experience in five words: Thank god for flushable wipes.

I am clutching a mug of tea, almost through with the laundry, and then I need a few groceries, and we shall visit a few friends, and go to the farm for eggs, and then probably collapse on the sofa in a heap of jet-lagged, over-traveled confusion.

Happy Trails.

Black Friday

Black Friday was not black at all ! I woke up of my own accord at 5am, threw on some clothes and drove to the nearest Dunkin Donuts (natch). Thus fueled, I asked the lovely lady behind the counter how to get to my first destination.....Ocean State Job Lot. After a bit of driving about, trying to follow some rather complicated directions that actually were not complicated at all, I found the great Job Lot. I came, I saw, I conquered. Then I headed to Kohls, which was conveniently located RIGHT NEXT DOOR. Now that was the true, crazy, early morning shopping experience I was looking for. I found some great things for the kids, got myself a pair of earrings, and hit the highway, looking for the mall. Which I found, like a beacon of glory off in the distance. I got a parking space in the front row. I found Sami a ********** on clearance. I used coupons, I got free gift wrapping, I was home by 10am. It was such a thing of beauty - so perfectly orchestrated and successful - that I almost didn't know what to do with myself.

The rest of the day was spent with Sharon, the woman who introduced me to my husband, welcomed me into her family, and is always the hostess with the mostest. Sami took the kids bowling, and I was footloose and fancy free. As soon as I walked in the door - and we were on our way to her family's house for a huge post-holiday meal - she asked if I wanted to go to the "best chinese buffet ever."

Uh, yeah. Of course I do. Why are we sitting here talking about it ?

So, we went to the buffet, and gorged ourselves just like the old days. It was fabulous.
THEN we went to her family's house to eat, again. But the food wasn't quite ready, and we were antsy, so we went out and bought wine, and stopped into her apartment, and went to Starbucks, and THEN went back to the house for dinner.

I fell asleep on the couch.

It was a good day.

Working Backwards

Due to unforeseen circumstances - REALLY unforeseen - I have been without internet since Wednesday. I am sure the twitch I developed as a result will go away eventually, but in the meantime I have a lot of catching up to do.



And I will.



Here Goes.



So, Wednesday, we drove from Virginia to New York City. We were warned about the traffic, and how long it was going to take, and how awful it would be - it was totally fine. Not bad at all. Nothing worth mentioning. The drama began only after we got to NYC.



We get to NYC, and frankly, it is taking me a while to get my driving moxie back. People are cutting me off, and I am feeling very intimidated and unsure of myself. Which is totally not like me at all - I can drive any cabbie right off the road if need be - and Sami finally asked me what was wrong the last time someone pulled out in front of me. "Honey, just keep going, you know how to deal with these people - don't be nice, just go." Considering where this advice was coming from, I decided to take it with a grain of salt. Because let's just be honest for a moment - who was the licensed driver here ? Right, that would be me. Ahem.



I drove to the hotel. Actually, I drove past the hotel, then had to take an extra 10 minutes to circle around the block and actually stop in front. We get out, hand our keys to the valet, grab our bags, and head to the lobby. Where we were met by a disgruntled crowd, both in front of the desk, and behind it. Everyone had a drink in hand (I told you this was my kind of place....) but the line was definitely not moving. Eventually, word trickled down. The computer system was down. They were registering everyone manually - and what I mean by "manually" was, writing everyone's name down on a legal pad. I am not kidding.



So after a while, we get a room. We have to be escorted upstairs, because they cannot program any room keys. So the bellman takes us up to the room we have been assigned. We go up 12 floors, we twist and wind and turn through these long dark hallways, and I realize I will NEVER find my way back to the elevator. Finally, we reach our destintion. I have no idea how it is possible to walk that far and still be in the same building. The bellman swings open the door - and someone is in there.



Awesome.



So we all turn around, and head back to the lobby. I am not lookng forward to getting back in that line. The bellman suggests that maybe we should go get dinner, and check in later. He offered to store our bags, and we decided that would probably be the best plan of action.



So I knelled down in the middle of the hallway outside the hotel bar, and start opening our suitcases, looking for warm clothes. I basically unpack and repack 3 suitcases, with a huge audience of totally harried and pretty drunk hotel guests, who are all stuck in the lobby.



We hand off our bags and go to dinner. THAT was awesome.

Blue Ribbon Restaurants



Then we went to FAO Schwarz, but they were closing. Fuckers. So we went and spent some money at the Disney Store. We were going to go watch them inflate the balloons for the parade, but it is (in case you were not aware) really FUCKING COLD in New York at the end of November. And windy. So we went back to the hotel. I stopped at a liquor store on the way, so that I would be prepared for whatever might be waiting for us in that lobby.



And when we got there, sure enough, there was still no computer. No room keys. Just the trusty old legal pad. So after explaining that actually, someone ELSE had been in room 1251, the woman at the desk bustled into the back office. She came out 10 minutes later with a smile. "I found you another room !"



She went over to Ye Olde Legal Pad to record our new room number. And surprisingly, it turns out someone was already in that room, too.



So then she just looked at the list, picked a room that didn't have a name next to us, gave us a serious room category upgrade, and sent us on our way - me clutching the paper bag from the liquor store, Sami carrying a suitcase's worth of winter clothes that we had discarded in the heat of the lobby.



Once in our room, with our bags, I tried to get online. Nothing doing. I called downstairs, and was told that because the registration computer was down, I would not be able to accessx the hotel's internet, because I was not technically a registered guest yet. By this time, they had the computers at the front desk up and running, but there was a serious backlog. They told me to give them 15 minutes.



I took a shower, and tried again. Nothing. An hour later, still nothing.
I finally just sat down with my bottle and a plastic cup out of the bathroom, and decided to just forget the whole thing. After all, it was the night before Thanksgiving. And I was on vacation.

More in the next post......

Eating out

Officially psyched - the past two days have been a gastronomic extravaganza, and I am currently staring at an entire salmon that we just picked up in downtown Seattle. I also have bags of apples that are actually crisp, an enormous authentic Starbucks, fresh cheeses, a baguette from this amazing bakery in the Pike Place market.....oh what the hell.



With links, our Seattle experience thus far......



http://www.fallsbrew.com/

http://www.snoqualmiefalls.com/

http://www.tuttabella.com/

http://www.campagnerestaurant.com/

http://www.traderjoes.com/

http://www.pacificsciencecenter.org/

http://www.purefoodfish.com/

http://www.rogue.com/

http://www.lepanier.com/

http://www.beechershandmadecheese.com/

http://www.salumicuredmeats.com/

Day two of Eggnog Fest 2008

I should start by telling you I'm drunk. Drunk posting is never advisable, but it can't be helped.

I am making a good start at emptying the fridge, refrigerated item by refrigerated item. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it, and it might as well be someone who already doesn't fit into any of their pants, right ?

My first target is the 1/2 gallon of eggnog that I am working my way through.

Eggnog and dark rum is good. I thought it wouldn't be, but it turns out I was very , very wrong indeed. HOWEVER, mid-afternoon I began eating a very sharp Irish cheddar type cheese, and switched to a dark porter-style beer.
Coconut Porter

I am now quite drunk, and moving on to the Chicken Parmesan I made using the fresh mozzarella and open jar of tomato sauce that was also in my fridge. Later, I am going to scope out our veggies but for now I need to heat up a Tupperware of leftover pasta.

You know, I could really get into this whole "cleaning out the fridge" thing. But I may be maxxed out for the day.....I think I might need to go to bed, actually.

More later.