Friday, November 16, 2012

Dispatch from Camp Mighty: You. Are. Here.

I am sitting in my hotel room. Lying down, actually, with the red lights on so my roommates can sleep. As I type, I'm simultaneously worried that the sound of my fingers on the keyboard are keeping people up, and also having serious flashbacks of being in the photo lab in high school. All I need is some Nine Inch Nails blaring and a cigarette - two things that can be easily remedied  at the Ace Hotel and Swim Club.

I am so content right now. And honestly, saying that is just the best thing ever. I spend too much time wishing for more, striving and reaching and worrying and being so damn hard on myself or disappointed in myself........ it is nice - BEYOND nice - to be content.

Being here at Camp Mighty the second time around is a different experience. The program is slightly different and there are some new faces, but the biggest difference is that I am not terrified and feeling like a total outsider. Oh, don't worry - I have still geeked out (sorry Jenny Lawson), and put my foot in my mouth (repeatedly), and felt plenty awkward (true story: the seating poofs by the pool are not easy to navigate in a skirt and heels while balancing a plate of food) and I am sure people are secretly wishing I'd stop hugging them (I did remember not to hug people in the bathroom, so that's progress) and I only flashed someone once. Okay twice. Maybe three times, but it was for a photo. And yes, somehow my cleavage did end up on twitter but that was not my fault.

The bottom line is that, even with all of my usual awkward fuck-ups, I am also feeling totally relaxed.
I have spent some serious quality time in the hot tub.
I took a nap.
I made friends with a staffer who happily hooked me up with sausages and tea this morning when I couldn't find either at breakfast. (Becky you are my hero)
I talked to strangers.
And I have taken a few pictures here and there - I'll try to post them on my twitter @daffodilblog

The thing that I love the most about this event is that everyone looks so damn fabulous. People have broken out their cutest shoes, they have on adorable brooches and brightly colored corduroys and sweaters with appliques and it's a total joy to be around a group who have such eclectic and diverse styles. It definitely inspires and allows for a lot of self-expression. I almost tackled a woman today who was wearing the cutest dress ever. It had a cowl neck, which doubled as a hoodie, plus she got it on sale. I wanted to give her a high five and we agreed that the only way that dress could be better, would be if it had pockets.

(All dresses should have pockets. If you are a designer, you should forget about putting a bird on it, and put some damn pockets on it instead. Pockets for everyone!)

What it all boils down to is, I am glad to be here. I am lucky to be here. I am grateful to be here.

I think this sums up Camp Mighty for me the most:

I am in the middle of my life, and I am looking for the big red circle that says "You Are Here"

Here I am. Where do I go? Well for starters, tomorrow I am going to meet a whole group of people I don't know yet, and review our life lists. I can't hardly wait. It feels so good to feel so good.


Elly said...

Ahh, I'm so jealous!! Have a brilliant time, hey :)

50Peach said...

Love everything about this... from the pool poofs, to the feeling socially awkward (SO relieved mine was normal as a newbie), and especially your hugs. I count myself lucky to have gotten hugs from you. I just wish we could have had more time to get to know one another. But hey, I'm here, I'm reading/tweeting and you're stuck with me. So there. xox

Laurie said...

That is how I felt there, too -- content. Wildly content. It is the most foreign, wonderful, wish-I-could-bottle-it feeling.