Friday, December 10, 2010

Oh, mistake. I thought we were all adults here.

In this season of holiday cheer - and holiday parties - let this little missive be a reminder to you.

If you think for some reason FOR ANY REASON that you might throw up during a dinner party, you should definitely excuse yourself and go OUTSIDE and get some fresh air.

Puking in the foyer doesn't count. Especially in full view of table 4.

Throwing up indoors - ANYWHERE INDOORS - means that someone is going to have to clean it up. And I know you wouldn't want THAT to happen. You wouldn't want someone else to have to clean up your puke after a raucous party with lots of food and drink being consumed. And you certainly wouldn't be in any condition to take care of it yourself, under the circumstances.

Not that you would offer, of course. In your state. Yes, I did hear that there was a tummy bug going around.

It seems to make people very hungry and thirsty and loud. And confused, too.

If you had your wits about you, I am sure you wouldn't have stood in the middle of the room screeching.
For hours.

And I'm guessing you would have left at least enough to cover the check. Especially if you puked. In the foyer. Or almost but not quite in the foyer, as we discovered later.

Of course.

So, to recap:
Got Puke? Go outside. For the love of all that is holy - go outside.
Make a mess? Leave a big tip. Or if you were in someone's home, return the next day with apologies and a gift. A big one.
So you puked? And people are cleaning up around you? Go home. It's a sign. In fact, it would probably be a good idea if everyone in your party left. You may not have picked up on the other, subtler hits. So when someone asks you to lift your feet so they can vacuum under them, well......let's just say the party is over for someone. (I mean you).

And really, once someone in the group has puked, it's kind of over for everyone.
At least, it really should be.
Unless you like to party with the hazmat team.
Is there any wine left in that bottle?

1 comment:

Jacinda said...

I always wonder how people like this get invited anywhere - because you know it's not just a chance occurrence.

My lover's band recently hosted a Halloween party at which someone puked before 10pm.

Apparently some people just can't leave high school behind...