Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I cannot comprehend reading comprehension, and so I curse liberally. Note: This post will not make any sense

I can see it so clearly now. Reading comprehension homework, with it's damned essay questions and complex thinking and analysis, is going to be a thorn in my side, that my son repeatedly jabs into me.

Over and over again.

This? This is awful. This is the worst part of homeschooling. I can handle anything BUT this. The tears and the frustration and the sheer rage that comes shrieking out of my kid when he has to read something and then ANSWER SOME FUCKING QUESTIONS. You would think I was asking him to write his DOCTORAL THESIS.

You have to understand, I love to read. And write, And write about things I read. And answer questions. Oh, I love answering questions. Tests. Memes. Quizzes. Even some dumbass phone survey. I will sit and patiently answer Every Single Question. I can even, when asked, avoid using profanity. I like a challenge.

Now, to be fair, my son is happy to answer (verbally) any question you might pose to him.......or rather, he might not actually answer the question, but he'll talk at length in response to any question asked.

But damned if he is going to pick up a pen and write that answer down. Or write anything down, for that matter. And he certainly is not interested in grammar and punctuation. Spelling? Also not important.

So in order to save my sanity, I am going to just ask him the questions, and try to get some sort of clear answer out of him. Something that actually relates to the question, and comes in the ballpark of answering it. And if I can get him to write any of it down, I will consider myself worthy of a Pulitzer. Don't worry, I'll make sure to thank him in my acceptance speech.

"This would not have been possible without the assistance of the most Obstinate, Bullheaded, Selectively Deaf, Argumentative Son that there ever has been and ever will be. If he had not pushed me so close to the edge, if he had not driven me to distraction, had he not been forced to find a way to summarize a 100 word essay using 10 words that were simultaneously lacking in punctuation of any kind and spelled phonetically, so as to be completely unintelligible, then I would not be standing before you today. I would also not have this bald patch over my right ear, and the twitch in my left eye. Huzzah !" And then I would pick up my bottle of Jameson and wander off into the sunset - bottle in one hand, Pulitzer in the other.

A beautiful sight to behold, I'm sure. Unlike this fucking reading comprehension worksheet, which is NEVER GOING TO BE COMPLETED. GAH !


Liz said...

Adam had this sort of trouble. Half special ed schooling and half gifted child classes. Until he transferred to a school with a different teaching philosophy. He still hates to write, can't spell, but can ace any tests, even aced the S.A.T.'s. I would push the reading and keep searching for a good fit for someone to teach him. It might not be you since you have such a very different learning style than Max and your strengths are so different. You will figure it out. Adam was half way though high school when he transferred and it was life changing to be taught in a way that he appreciated and could thrive in. Good luck, keep breathing...

Anonymous said...

i surely adore your own writing style, very useful.
don't give up as well as keep writing simply because it simply just truly worth to read it,
excited to look over much more of your stories, thanks ;)