Where I was when I heard the news: finally, in a good place.

I see my friends who don't have kids wince and groan their way through Facebook and emails, suffering the blunt-force trauma of wedding/pregnancy/baby photos that for one reason or the other hit them in a place they would rather not be hit. Holiday card season is right around the corner, folks. Prepare yourselves to be served a heaping pile of "It's a Wonderful Fucking Life".

Today I realized that I received recent news of pregnancies, births and baby showers with a sense of calm.......normalcy? An acknowledgement that yes, someone else is doing those things and I am not, and then instead of the heart-stopping agony of defeat, I felt fine. Happy, even. And not happy for them - I am ALWAYS happy for someone else's happiness, thankyouverymuch - but happy for me.

MY LIFE is fucking wonderful. This is a revelation. (Not really, of course - I know I have a great life filled with wonderful people and beautiful adventures and generosity around every bend. I know that and am grateful for it.) This is a revelation because, instead of reminding me of all the things I cannot have that I want, I was reminded of all the things I will not have again that made me fucking miserable when I had them.

Wedding planning? No need, I had my big day. Sure, trying on the pretty dresses was fun, and going to a cake tasting was the best way to spend a Saturday, but I can wear dresses and eat cake whenever the hell I want. LET THEM EAT CAKE is something I say far more often than Marie-Therese EVER did.

Pregnancy? Never again, and that is A-OK. My body is a size and shape I can deal with, and I am not currently defending my right to breathe deeply or hold my pee for a few extra minutes. My boobs no longer leak, tattoos cover my stretch marks, and I haven't thrown up in almost a year.

Newborns? Not to worry, it's just a matter of time before another one gets dropped off and I can gleefully add his or her picture to my news feed for everyone to oooh and ahhhh over.

World Travel? It looks pretty, but after a rousing tale of the sea lice "problem" during a friend's Fijian honeymoon, a spate of emergency landings on the news, and the crappy weather bringing death and destruction around the globe, plus the exchange rate in Europe, I think I'll just sit here in Hawaii with my toes in the sand, all for the cost of a 5 mile drive from home.

New car or house? More insurance, new repairs, and living in fear of damage from the first "whoopsie". You will have one, it's just a matter of when. So enjoy that shiny new thing you just got, while it is still shiny and new. And make sure you post a picture as soon as someone gets pregnant and throws up all over it, okay?

For all of you out there moving and shaking and killing it with your acquisitions and accomplishments and status changing life events - Whoo Hooo! I am going to let you enjoy your ride. I have been there and done that. And for the record? I fucking NAILED IT. It is your turn, so do me proud, would you please?

xo