Tuesday, March 26, 2013

My marriage did not lead to procreation, maybe I should notify the Supreme Court

As a heterosexual woman, I was free to marry my high school boyfriend. I didn't need parental consent. I didn't need the Supreme Court to weigh in on my choice (although in retrospect that might not have been such a bad idea). My point is, I was a dumb kid, old enough to reproduce or enlist in the military. Legally within my rights to drive a car and drink myself silly (though, sadly, without the sense to avoid doing both simultaneously). I had no business making life-altering decisions.

"The concern is that redefining marriage as a genderless institution will sever its abiding connection to its historic traditional procreative purposes, and it will ... refocus the purpose of marriage and the definition of marriage away from the raising of children and to the emotional needs and desires ... of adult couples," Cooper argued.

It would come as no surprise to anyone - except, apparently, Mr. Cooper - that I got divorced within a few years. I imagine it had something to do with the fact that I married in order to start a family, with little concern for my (allegedly irrelevant) emotional needs and desires. I'm sure glad Mr. Cooper wasn't around when my infertile self was thinking about getting married a second time, since, in his opinion, I had no reason to bother if I wasn't making babies.

I didn't really understand why anyone would be against gay marriage, until I listened to Mr. Cooper today. I was dumbstruck. They are all up in arms because they think that marriage is primarily for the purpose of procreation? That's their case against gay marriage? That's it?
But............ sometimes people - straight or gay - can't procreate. What about them? Can't they get married?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but do me a favor. Take a break from reading this, and think about all of the heterosexual people in this world who shouldn't be procreating, and all of those who do so (and continue to do so long after it is reasonable or even feasible) with or without the commitment of marriage.

Okay. You have a picture in your head of all the people out there who have no business being parents? And all of the people who are absolutely miserable in their marriage?

Now I want you to think long and hard about what, exactly, makes a marriage. Think about YOUR marriage for a minute. What do you share with your spouse?
Love.
Commitment.
Respect.

It has nothing to do with whether or not you can conceive.

And a final note: to my husband. Who married me even though I was broken. Who stayed with me while I healed. Who honored me with his patience and compassion. And who has said, many many times, that even if we could not conceive a child, he wouldn't leave. Mr. Cooper, I wish you could meet this man. He might be able to teach you a thing or two about marriage.


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14 comments:

Vanessa D said...

Very nicely said.

christie said...

Holla! I am so with you. I read the coverage last night and was appalled at the crazy reasoning of this case. I know there are procedural issues that may bar the Court from ruling (standing), but for the love of god, can we stop acting like procreation is THE REASON to marry. Great post.

Laura @WelcomeToGrandCentral said...

I agree 100% with your view. I'm glad you found contentment and happiness in life.

Ilene, The Fierce Diva Guide to Life said...

Agree - agree and agree. And well said. xo

ateachablemom.com said...

This argument against gay marriage is one of the most absurd. It's obvious how much you adore your husband and value your bond and commitment. As you wrote, those are hallmarks of what constitute marriage in my mind. Lovely post.

SouthMainMuse said...

As someone who struggled with infertility for many years, I understand the pain. The world assumes children come from marriage. It children do not follow because of choice, that's one thing -- but terribly hard on a marriage if it is not by choice.

Stacie said...

So well said! That whole thing comes off as grasping at straws. The bottom line is that they don't have a good reason, they're just prejudiced!

IASoupMama said...

What a completely baseless argument! Marriage solely for procreation? Bah! Marry whatever consenting adult you want to marry -- that's my position and I'm sticking to it.

Ann Bennett said...

I am in agreement with you on gay marriage. I really did not have strong feelings about the issue until gays became a political talking point. It was so unfair. A marriage license is a legal document that binds people legally. I know a gay man who was kicked out of his home when his partner of thirty something years died.

Michelle Longo said...

Nothing to add here, I think you nailed it. Well said.

cynk said...

This argument against gay marriage is so insulting. You did an excellent job of punching holes in it.

Joe said...

There is simply no coherent argument against gay marriage.

Natalie the Singingfool said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Kristin said...

Amen, sister friend!