Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The weekend started with me dumping pork and cabbage on my crotch. It got better.

Somehow, the universe managed to align in such a way that Friday afternoon Sam and I got in Henny the Super Cooper and drove to a remote location, alone. Just the two of us.

Notably absent? Our children. All three of them. That includes the baby that still wakes up during the night for feedings.

We were not heading off on an adult getaway to have wild sex and drink heavily like the good old days - we were just excited about sleeping uninterrupted at night, and napping extensively during the day. A huge cooler was packed, full of cheese and bread and chocolate cream pies, because those are the three food groups. It wasn't going to be just us for the weekend - if that were the case, this story would begin and end with: "We went away overnight to catch up on some sleep. It was great." But in addition to sleeping and eating, we were going to be spending the weekend in a rental house on the other end of the island with a bunch of other people. An old-fashioned, honest-to-goodness house party was happening.

But first, we had to get there. So we packed up the car, and stopped for take-out to eat en route. We decided on Kalua pork, and I romantically fed my husband chopstick-fulls of shredded pork and cabbage as he drove along the winding country roads. And then we hit a speed bump and I dropped the entire to-go box upside down in my lap.

It took about 15 minutes to clean up the car, which still smells faintly of roasted pork 4 days later if you must know, and then I was still hungry so we had to stop and get something else to eat, and then I just sat back and enjoyed the excitement of driving along Maui's rugged southeast coast.
It was lovely.

As we approached our destination, we came upon a man lying in the road wearing nothing but a pair of surf trunks. He stood up and approached the car. "Where am I?" he asked.

Now, when someone asks me that question at 5:30 on a Friday night, one of two things are happening:
1. Someone is no longer being served alcohol at my bar
2. I have arrived at my destination

The man continued to approach my car.
"Will you marry me?" he asked.
"Oh, gosh, what a lovely offer. But I'm already married." I stuck my thumb over my shoulder indicating my bewildered husband in the passenger seat.
"Don't worry honey," I turned to Sam and said with a reassuring smile. "This sort of thing happens all the time to women, let me ju-"
The man was now right next to my car. "I love Lucy!" he exclaimed, grinning. I froze. He grabbed my door handle. "Can I have a hug?"
"Fuck no!" I said, and hit the gas leaving him sitting once again in the middle of the road, waving after me half-heartedly. I had a romantic weekend planned, and I didn't need an extra husband to entertain. I already had my hands full.

We don't get away much just the two of us - it's hard to find the time, and even harder to find childcare overnight. This weekend was a very big deal. We planned our escape around this house party - it was our impetus, our inspiration. The house in question is directly across the street from the ocean, and two of the guests just so happen to be professional DJs on island. They brought their gear.

Decor ran to inflatables and barnyard animals, attire included hotpants and some fabulous wigs and tutus. Pasties may or may not have been involved. Pasties made out of spinach. Because someone used all the kale for a tutu. Maybe. I cannot confirm or deny. All I'm saying is, I did have plenty of greens to go with my chocolate pie, bread and cheese. Inspired? You should be. Kale Recipes that kick ass at Serious Eats (via Not Martha)

We also had board games and light reading. This book - seriously NOT PC you have been warned - was my favorite, I think:
This Book Will Change Your Life 

I did not nap, because my tutu was far too itchy for that sort of thing. And there were all sorts of other, better things to do. THERE WAS APPLES TO APPLES FOR GODS SAKE. (If you haven't playedApples to Apples , I insist that you go forth immediately and get you some.)

At 1am, when the games ended and the jello shots ran out, the DJs turned up the music. I think. I can't really be 100% sure, because Sam and I were in the loft sound asleep. That's right. We slept through a dance party.

The following day dawned bright and early. I made bloody marys and tea, and chatted with friends for a while and we all made a big breakfast of cheesy scrambled eggs and crepes. There was an attempt to whip cream by hand, but someone got carried away and we ended up with butter. No worries, there was plenty of Nutella to smear all over everything instead. Then I grabbed a cherry ring pop because no one said I couldn't, and Sam and I went for a walk. He was wearing a grass skirt for some reason, and I still had on the tutu, but added a fur vest because it was breezy and I didn't want to catch a chill.


So we took a nice walk, just the two of us, and on the way back I realized that some of the people driving by looked.....concerned. I figured it was because we were walking in the road near a few blind turns, or maybe because I was barefoot. But I had just gotten a tetanus booster, so really, they had nothing to worry about. How sweet of them, though.

When we got back to the house, a decision had been made to go to the beach. I took off my tutu and grabbed a towel, and we headed out. I was thinking that the beach sounded like a great place for a nice nap. Some of us walked, some us roller skated, and I was in the minority without a tutu. I had on a shirt AND pants, and I was decidedly overdressed. But again, IT WAS BREEZY. I was perfectly content in my flannel and leggings. My only regret is that I forgot my camera for this little excursion.

My other regret is that we ran into one of the kids' teachers on the walk back to the house.

It was like the real world crashed my house party.
And they did not bring a tutu.

Seeing Max's teacher was a sobering experience. I had two helpings of chocolate cream pie in an attempt to forget that I had children and grownup responsibilities waiting for me at home. It was no use - the spell had been broken. And it was time to leave anyway.

So we missed out on the Alice in Wonderland croquet tournament, and the Tutus and Tribal dance party.
We drove home slowly, mostly in silence, just savoring the view and the quiet that surrounded us. We got out a few times to stretch our legs.

The spell may have been broken, but it was still magical.

(note: all Amazon links are connected to my Amazon Associates Account. Also magical.)

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