Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Social Media, I am your bitch

Yesterday, I got an invite in the mail from Pinterest.

And while a tiny part of my heart was saying "dammitalltohell" and felt kind of like this:

 a big huge part of me was all "WAHOOOOOOOOO":

And so I said to myself, "Let's do this thing." And I saddled up and bought the ticket and took the ride and ohmygodihaveaproblem. The problem being, I am never going to be able to get anything done.

Between twitter and my beloved facebook and this blog and 3 other blogs and trying to write a book, I spend all day every day in front of my computer talking to myself.

And we haven't even touched on "Words with Friends", which is sweeping the nation despite the fact that it allows you to play words that are not even words but not 'jew' because it's offensive- not even if you can put the 'j' on a triple letter score and combine it with 'be' and 'paw' and a triple word score and get like 70 bilion points using 3 tiles, and where I have no less than 10 games going at any one time. My phone dings constantly, alerting me to the fact that someone else is beating my ass by playing words like 'vanner' an- "DING" hang on, I need to get that. Shit, she put a Z on a triple word score that is like, 63 points - I might as well just resign now. Shitty shit.

Okay, where was I. Oh yes. Apparently, I am supposed to be building my brand and finding my voice and setting my tone and creating a dialogue. That is not happening. I am still at the very beginning stages of figuring out who I want to follow, and whether to retweet or quote, and why the mobile twitter app is so much better than the super-sucky desktop version of twitter, and whether enough people like me, and if I am posting so much it's really more like spamming and if so will people STOP liking me and if people like me why don't they retweet me and maybe it's because they, too, have the shitty desktop version of twitter but even so they could like me on the facebook and then share what I post, but they don't which means they don't *really* like me and THEN WHAT I ASK YOU THEN. WHAT.
(and yes, of course I have issues. Sweet Jesus Mary and Joseph of course I do.)

"DING!" Oh my god I am never going to get anything done ever, hang on I have to just check this and.....fuck me sideways she beat me again?! This is not even fun anymore.

But as I was saying, the thing that blows my mind is that there is more! How could there possibly be more? WHO HAS THE TIME? Even with this - even with ALL OF THIS - I want to pin people? Or things? Or people and their things? Or things people pin? Does this have anything to do with going steady? I have no idea. I don't have the slightest fucking clue.

"DING!" Oh my god this game is horrifying, it completely defies logic. I don't even understand how I could have 4 'i's - how can there be so many, and why do I have ALL OF THEM.

All I do know is that I have spent almost 3 hours on the computer and phone today, and have not gotten a single thing accomplished other than quizzing a lovely but completely ineffectual service rep at Bank of America about why they suck so hard (which actually, now that I think about it, was very empowering) and stalking a friend's facebook page to see if his wife had that baby yet, and cruising with my hand in my pants like the craft porn that it is.

And playing Words With Friends. Of course. Lest we forget.

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