Sunday, December 4, 2011

Half melted chocolate covered with white stuff is better than NO CHOCOLATE AT ALL

I am declaring a small victory over the 2011 holiday season, people.

- I got that damn tree up before December 1st, complete with lights that don't make me want to gauge my eyeballs out.
- I read all of my favorite holiday stories, and watched Elf twice this weekend.
- I have a new bottle of rum, and some Coconut Nog - because Egg Nog and I have a difference of opinion about digestion without a gallbladder.
- And I finally used the last of the Thanksgiving turkeys to make epic turkey soup.

I am even contemplating taking a photo this week for our "Thank God THAT'S over" post-apocalypticholiday card to send out in January. Complete with matching outfits and the dog wearing antlers.

But the final touch, the one piece of evidence that says I made the 2011 holiday season my bitch, is that I remembered the Advent calendars hidden in the attic - before Christmas, mind you - FOR THE WIN.

Best mother ever award goes RIGHT HERE thankyouVERYmuchindeed.

Because usually, you see, I discover the calendars on Christmas Eve when I am frantically trying to get the wrapping done. They are inevitably wrapped in a grocery bag, stuck inside a box of gifts I have hidden in a corner of the attic to keep them safe from prying hands. (I don't care about prying eyes - it's the hands that do all the damage.)


Sadly, the reason it didn't go down like that is because I have no presents hidden in the attic for Christmas.
I am little bewildered - because I usually have this all taken care of by now, so that I can sit at home and absorb Nog in peace. Not this year. I honestly have no clue what I am giving the kids this year. No. Clue. Which means I have to leave the house and go shopping, I guess.....

BUT STAY FOCUSED ON THE POSITIVE which is that this year, my kids got their advent calendars on time. Okay, almost on time. They should have gotten them on time, because Auntie Sassin the step-monster reminded me to give them out when she came over on December 1st, and I still forgot. And then I remembered, and forgot, and remembered, and forgot, and then tonight I REMEMBERED AND I DIDN'T FORGET and when I came out of the bedroom after dinner clutching those cardboard boxes filled with cheap candy behind numbered flaps it felt like the angels were singing and I was bathed in a heavenly glow because I was ROCKING THIS PARENTING THING. The kids eyes grew wide and they couldn't believe their good fortune and then they tore off the wrappers and opened the doors marked "1" and the chcoclate was nice and chocolately brown and not all misshapen and hard and covered with white powder from melting and solidfying repeatedly. ANOTHER MIRACLE. (I can't really say whether every Advent calendar that makes it to Hawaii from the mainland has melted and re-solidified chocolate hidden inside. But every Advent calendar my children have ever received certainly has.)


All is right with the world. Please pass the rum. I'll take my prize in a lump sum, thanks. Small bills if you got 'em.

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