Sunday, September 25, 2011

Clearly, my children need to broaden their horizons

We were driving through town when my son put both hands on the car window and pressed his nose to the glass.

"OH MY GOD MOM I CAN'T BELIEVE IT" He was shrieking like a toddler, which is absolutely not allowed when I am driving - even if you are a toddler. One does not shriek. One must never shriek. It is bad for Mommy's nerves, and leads to mid-afternoon cocktails (for medicinal purposes thankyouverymuch) which then leads to mommy taking a nap at 4pm, which means no dinner is prepared, which means chicken fingers and PBJ for dinner, which is no fun for ANYONE now, is it? So don't shriek. No shrieking.

To my credit, when he screamed like that I did not rear-end the car in front of me, or swerve off the road, or jam on my brakes to crane my neck around and try to figure out what the hell was so amazing it required a 100 decibel reaction from my 11 year old.

Instead, I kept both hands on the wheel (okay, I had one hand on the wheel and one hand tuning my phone to Pandora and one hand holding a cup of tea. Wait...... maybe I didn't have any hands on the wheel. Was I even driving? I can't be sure - the whole "not eating so my gallbladder doesn't explode" thing has left me a little groggy. AND YET I WAS IN COMPLETE CONTROL.) and I utilized my Standard Mom Response which I use for, well, for just about everything he gets really worked up about:
"Mm Hm?"

"Mom" he announced breathlessly, nose still pressed to the glass. "Things changed so much while we were gone this summer. I just can't believe how ADVANCED everything got."

"In what way, sweetheart?" I asked as I turned on my signal and carefully changed lanes with both hands on the wheel or no hands or maybe I was reading a magazine while Sam drove IT DOESN'T MATTER IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

"That McDonalds over there? It has a DOUBLE DRIVE THRU. There are TWO LANES for ordering. AND NOW IT HAS A HEIGHT LIMIT."

And you thought Maui would be all grass huts and coconuts. Silly you. We are way ahead of the curve, as you can plainly see.

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