I went to Costco today, and I was minding my own damn business I SWEAR TO YOU I WAS and suddenly I heard some man say "You have got to try this." It wasn't an employee, it was just some dude in an aloha shirt with a shopping c art full of food in front of him. He was offering me a little plastic Dixie cup with a pink liquid in it. I said "No, thank you though." and eyed him suspiciously noting his height and general appearance because while I am sure no one is slipping roofies into Costco samples YOU JUST NEVER KNOW and I live my life the way the TSA intended - I do not leave my bags unattended, and I don't drink anything handed to me by a stranger unless it's in a sealed container. And even then....not so much.
But I had an hour to kill, and I wanted to know what was so delicious that it would cause people to flag down random strangers and encourage them to give it a try. I rounded the corner cautiously, because those double-wide Costco carriages can really cause some collateral damage if you hit someone or something.
When I looked up from my careful maneuvering, I found myself face to face with another guy. He was wearing a headset, standing on a platform, and BOY HOWDY was he happy to see me. "HI THERE!" he shouted. He didn't mean to shout, but he was speaking over a PA, so what would have been a normal tone of voice was amplified, plus he had a lot of fucking energy anyway. I started to back up, because people like that make me nervous, but I was trapped in Costco traffic.
"Do you like green drinks? I am going to make one right now - three ingredients, simple as can be. You are going to LOVE it!" he crowed.
Fat chance, dude. I love bacon and chocolate and tequila - not all in the same cup (I am not saying "Never" you understand, it just hasn't happened yet.) but I do not drink green drinks or kombucha, nor do I enjoy hemp milk or soy cheese. I eyed him suspiciously. He turned away and started throwing spinach in a blender. Then some grapes and a slice of pineapple. Three seconds later I had a drink in my hand that tasted like a green apple Jolly Rancher. I fucking *LOVE* green apple Jolly Ranchers. I grinned at him, drained the cup, and parked my carriage.
Sir, you have my attention.
"TORTILLA SOUP" he cried as he rinsed the blender and started throwing veggies in there. A tomato, a carrot, peppers, celery, onion, a cup of hot water and then he paused. "Chicken okay?" he asked me with a note of concern. I nodded silently, my mouth agape. He threw in a scoop of boullion, turned it on, let it run, dialed the speed down to low and added beans and carrots. Intrigued, I moved closer. People behind me were edging forward and I was sensing that there was going to be a little competition for the tortilla soup my boyfriend was whipping up for me. He threw some tortilla strips in there and handed me another Dixie cup.
I drained that one and then he got serious. "This one appliance will replace EIGHT APPLIANCES." he said somberly. "I have it in white and black."
I stared at the price tag, and felt sick. I stood there, while an older woman standing next to me told me all of the things she used hers for. That she had owned one for 20 years, that she used it to make baby food, that she had bought this extra part to make flour for bread, that you could make ice cream in it...... My eyes started to glaze over. I don't know if she was being paid to stand in the crowd pretending to be a shopper while encouraging people to buy the gold-standard of mixers, but she helped me load a Vitamix into my cart while she talked.
I brought it home, plugged it in, threw in some spinach and grapes and pineapple, and that is what we had for an after school snack. Max had seconds. Tonight we are making almond milk. Max wants to make butter. I can make butter in my blender, ya'll. I have never been so happy.
At this point, I feel confident saying that I have every kitchen appliance I need. Here's the key - I stopped buying crap, and invested in a few pieces that are multi-pupose and built to last. If I had carpet, I would still be pining away for a Dyson - but with hardwood and tile throughout, I can't justify it. Yet.
A brief list of things I have and love - they are all black or stainless, and having them all matchy-matchy makes my kitchen seem less cluttered (at least, that's what I keep telling myself):
The Kitchen Aid Mixer was my first major purchase. It comes with all sort of accessories - I have a juicer, a cheese grater, and a meat grinder.
The Griddler from Cuisinart
The Grind and Brew with thermal Carafe (also from Cuisinart)
Le Creuset dutch oven (a big one)
Rival slow cooker (also a big one)
1 cast iron skillet
This pan which we got from Macy's
And this set of pots and pans. disclaimer: I got *almost* the exact same set as this one on MEGA sale at Macy's for (I think) $39 or something ridiculous. Belgique Classique Tools of the Trade. They also sell add-on pots and pans, I have bought a few of those. They work on ALL cooktops and they are oven safe too!
note: I have a food processor - but the Vitamix guy insisted I wouldn't need it anymore.......we'll see about that, buddy. I also have an espresso machine, a two-slice toaster, and a waffle maker which are not necessary but well-loved. I don't have a toaster oven or a pizza stone or a bread maker - got rid of them years ago and I don't miss 'em.
1 hour ago