Went to visit a friend today, and while I was sitting on her sofa having a lengthy discussion about whether she was going to buy a bigger car - and if so, which one she should buy - her husband came home from work. I had met him at least once before, but it had been a brief meeting and he certainly wasn't expecting to find me on his sofa. His sofa, after all, is a long way away from Hawaii.
I smiled and waved. "Hi, nice to see you again - sorry, was I parked in your spot?"
He smiled and closed the door. "Hi, yes, nice to see you." He paused. "Do you have an accent?"
I was confused for a moment, and he seemed confused too - he was standing there in the doorway looking at me, waiting for an answer, and then suddenly it clicked. I get this a lot, actually. I have this feather hair extension, and at least once a day someone will ask me what that is in my hair. Is it a highlight? A clip? A barrette? I mean, it was sort of unusual for someone's husband to notice, and no one had ever called it an accent, but hey - he's married and has 3 daughters. Maybe he notices these sorts of things? Sure, I have an accent!
"It's feathers" I explained. "Braided into my ha-" "No, honey" his wife spoke almost simultaneously, as we both looked even more confused than before. "An ACCENT."
"Oh." I paused for a second. What had we been taking about? Oh yes, the car. Parked in his spot. But it wasn't a Hyundai Accent, it was an SUV. How weird. Had we been talking about Hyundais? No, definitely not. Huh. Was there one in their driveway? Who the hell parked an Accent in their driveway? "OH. Sorry, no, I don't have an Accent, I have the green S-"
"NO." Now, she was laughing at me, and I was completely confused. What the fuck was going on? The husband was still standing in the doorway, and now he was looking at his wife as if to say "Your friend, here? Is a moron."
And really, who could blame him. But wait a minute.
DID HE JUST ASK IF I HAD AN ACCENT?
Oh, if only I had some exotic accent.
Or a Hyundai.
But no. If I understood his question - which now, I think, I finally do - the "accent" is part Rhode Island, part Boston, part Texan (don't ask, but he was a cute boy who left his, um, mark, as it were - a mark that also includes a secret love of country music) and part island pidgin.
I don't pee, I shishi.
I'm not done, I'm pau.
Futhahmoah, I pahk my cah, and I like my cawfee extrah extrah (extra cream, extra sugar).
In short, when I open my mouth to speak, you honestly have NO IDEA how I will mangle what is going to come out. But now? I am intrigued. And so, in the interests of maintaining an air of mystery, I am now going to develop my "accent" even further, so that when I return to Hawaii I can really wow them with my missing r's and lilting "ayuh"s and any other wicked pissah shite I can scrounge up to keep them guessing.
Meanwhile, I'm taking this damn feather hair extension out. I'm tired of explaining it to people.
2 hours ago