Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Marrying Kind

Today I spent the day at home, just catching up on laundry and cooking and.........napping.
I was napping, all right?

Because here's the thing: Now that I am not working at the restaurant I am bored. And also broke.

Lots of women wish they could be a stay-at-home mom. All late lunches and hair appointments and lounging by the pool. I am here to tell you that it can be mind-numbingly boring. And when you don't have a paycheck coming in, it is a lot harder to pay for lunches out, or nail appointments, or bikini waxes or nose piercings. If I do anything but sit at home - if I spend one cent on anything other than groceries or gas or clothes for the kids, I feel like a jerk.

Because poor Sami is at work, while I am off spending his money.

And it's true.
Yes, it is.
Don't argue with me.

I hate not having a job. Hate It.

So I have come up with something New And Fun to keep me busy and also bring in some cash.

No, I'm not working for a 900 number. Good idea, though.

I'm going to officiate at weddings.

That's right.

I got my ass ORDAINED.

And if there was ever anyone in the world LESS QUALIFIED to be a minister, well, I think you'd be hard pressed to find them. And also, I have to work on not shouting FUCK when I get excited.

And I think I have to wear pants. Or something.

But I am totally going to be great at this. I am going to marry the HELL out of people.

Bonus: I can perform exorcisms and give last rites.

Daffodil is now a Doctor of Divinity.

There is one last step before I can legally seal two people in wedded bliss and red tape. I have to wait for the state to approve me. Which quite frankly makes me more nervous than getting ordained. The church can forgive anything. The registrar? Notsomuch.


Maui Maddie said...

i dont know how you do it. even the most day to day stuff is hysterical when you right it. thanks for a near-daily laugh and good luck with the state!!

Anonymous said...

I always liked to work because as you say, I get bored.
When I was on holidays in my Buenos Aires apartments I was trying to find fun a job!