Monday, December 20, 2010

No honey, I'm not his wife

I have this manager, see. His brother owns the restaurant, and he moved here a few years ago from the midwest to be the night manager. A perfectly nice man, with two teenage kids, and an ex-wife who - as he tells it - could freeze the balls off an eskimo. She sounds Just Darling. Anyhooo, I wandered into the cafe last night - my night off - to drop off my manager's daughter, who had been our babysitter for the evening.

My manager and I had a quick chat about the kids - his and mine - and I went in the back to grab some desserts. When I came out, a lovely girl who I had never seen before (and who apparently is a new employee - welcome to the nuthouse honey!) was walking by. I smiled and said hello, and she stopped and smiled. "Are you his wife?" she asked, gesturing towards our manager.

"Hmm?" I asked, stopping in my tracks and turning around.

"Are you his wife?"

Oh honey. You ARE new here, aren't you.

The thing that freaks me out is, she's not the first to ask that question. And I need to figure out why. Because trust me, we do not exchange looks of blind adoration or lovesick devotion. In fact, last week I threatened to walk out, because he was being such an asshole. (In his defense, he noted that my sense of humor was absolutely shot that night - which may or may not have been true. But still - NOT FUCKING FUNNY ASSHOLE.)

And you know what else is not funny? Being mistaken for someone's wife. Especially when you are blissfully, happily married to someone else.

So I am having t-shirts made (shh! don't ruin the surprise!) Mine says "I am not his wife". His says "I am not the owner".

Because I can assure you, we don't want any confusion about those two issues. And for god's sake - this poor man is NEVER going to get a date if people think he is married and his wife is always hanging around harping on him about what an asshole he is.

Oh wait. THAT must be why people think I'm his wife.

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