Got him a bike, forgot to ask if he knew how to ride one.

Yesterday was Sami's birthday. And I had SUCH a good idea for a present. A bike.

Because for the past few years, Sami has spent a great deal of time running around after our kids as they pedal through the neighborhood, bent at the waist, pushing them over speedbumps and up hills, and then chasing after them trying to keep them from flying at a high rate of speed downhill into someone's mailbox.

Now that both kids are able to pedal and steer and brake, they don't require such vigilance.

And Sami was complaining that he didn't get enough exercise.

And so, the obvious solution was to get him a bike. Right? Of Course. So that he could ride along with them! The family that rides together, uh......I don't know, it doesn't matter THAT IS NOT THE POINT. Cute catch phrases aside, I had a vision. A dream.

Only, like most of my visions and dreams, it was only half formed.

I got him a bike for his birthday, but I neglected to ask him if he knew how to ride a bike. Certainly didn't really consider whether he would want a bike. I just went right out and bought one. It's red. That's about all I can tell you about it, honestly - I should never be trusted with buying any sort of sports equipment. I just choose things that are pretty and/or comfy. Which would explain why his new bike has the "extra cushiony seat". Comfort. And also, red. Pretty.

Flash forward to today. After 24 hours of haranguing, Sami has finally agreed to go outside and ride bikes with the kids, on his new bike.

But with the week of heavy rain, the gates are all swollen shut. So the first order of business is how to get the bike out of the yard, where I stashed it when I brought it home. Which may involve carrying it through the house. Or not. I guess he managed to kick a gate open. Very resourceful. Also? Manly. Less manly? The helmet. Everyone looks like an ass in a bike helmet. Yes, you do. Don't fool yourself.

Now he is on the street. The wind is still strong, leaves are blowing off of trees and swirling around in the street, chimes are clanging, and I can hear Sami shouting directions at the children and trying to chase after the dog who has inexplicably been let out to play with them in the street.

Because the only thing that could make riding a bike with two kids in the rain and wind more fun, is if you have a spastic terrier freaking out and running in circles around you.

But it's okay, because Sami still hasn't actually ridden anywhere. He's just standing there holding the bike and - dare I say it? Stalling. Which is really raising my suspicions. I mean, who gets a new bike and just smiles and says "very nice" and goes back inside? Don't you have an obligation to, I don't know, hop on for a second. Just to "see if it fits?". Take it for a spin? I am concerned. What if this city boy can't ride a bike? That would be terrible. And also much more entertaining than I had anticipated. But in my defense, I did buy him a helmet. And he has life insurance.

OH wait, here he goes. Live blogging at it's finest, ladies and gentleman...the results are in. The man *can* ride a bike. Oh this is exciting. And look at his snazzy coordinating helmet. He's a bit wobbly. Oh this poor guy. It is so obvious that this was someone else's idea and he's j- "CAR!" Lucy shrieks helpfully. Sami just jumped about a foot in the air and swerved off to the side. See, now, don't startle the man, he almost rode into the hedge. Wait, wait, he's back. Crisis averted. Wait - what is that? What the hell....oh boy. The damn dog broke free of his leash and ran directly in front of Sami. More swerving. Cursing. Chasing of dog on foot. Threats of death to stupid fucking dog who is incapable of playing without completely losing his  mind. Dog is locked in the yard. Everyone back on their bikes.The joy, it has been interrupted.

You know, I bought this bike for him. I really and truly did - but somehow I think I am going to be the one most entertained when he rides it.

Not for long, though - after 7 minutes, they are back inside.
Max is visibly distraught. "That bike ride" he declared "really sucked."

Oh. Hm. Well. Plan B. For Christmas I'm gonna get Sami a thighmaster and call it a day. Maybe he can wear the bike helmet.while he's using it, so it doesn't go to waste. Or he could just wear the helmet out and about. Maybe on our next trip to Walmart.