My Come to Jesus (Christ Superstar) moment

One of my favorite things about the parade last week was seeing all of the drama clubs from the highschools on island. Oh, the angst. Oh the eyeliner and chuck taylors and furry hats in the shapes of animals. As they trudged past eyeing the rollergirls with a mix of curiosity and feigned indifference, we were all locking eyes. "We are your people" I thought to myself. I might even have said it out loud, I was so overwhelmed with the remembering of high school.

I was going to be something, you know. Someone. I was going to do something interesting with my life.

What? Well I really had no idea. I was too busy memorizing lines and singing in choir and coming up with killer costumes and coloring and perming my hair over and over and over again until it simply gave up and broke off.

I had a plan. I just didn't know exactly what it was. Still don't, actually. But it wasn't this......this whatever it is I'm doing. For a few years now, people have been asking me when I am going to write a book. While blogging is pretty much the ultimate in narcissism, even I don't think anyone wants to read an entire book about.....well, whatever the fuck it is I write about every day or so. So when my brother got a book deal, and his book was published, and I read on facebook that he was appearing at ComicCon NY last week (because that is how I find out what he is up to these days) I really didn't even feel a twinge of "I wish I had a book deal." I was so excited for him, and proud of him for being recognized in his chosen field. And the fact that his chosen field is action figures, animatiion, television and movies? All the better, man. Living the DREAM as far as I am concerned. How many times have kids been told to put down that action figure and do their homework? My brother made action figures into a career. Bravo.

And meanwhile, I puttered along here on the blog, reading other blogs and being wholly cognizant of the fact that there are many other better writers online, who also do not have book deals. I was not alone. It was a big pond I was swimming in.

It was OK.

Until yesterday.

On my twitter feed yesterday morning I got two pieces of news from Her Bad Mother that left me feeling so despondant and "my life is now without purpose or reason" that I thought it might be best to climb back into bed and drink heavily for the rest of the week. But I have kids to care for, so I just have to Get On With Things.

First, a woman that made me laugh until I cried, a woman who ALSO did not have a book deal, died. Died without a book deal. World? Not fair. Nancy W. Kappes, paralegal: the world is a sadder place without you and your Judy Garland trail mix.

Second, Snooki (of the bump it and the furry slippers and the shore of Jersey, which, well, YUCK) has a book deal.

And that, my friends, is that. I have been sitting here, for more than 24 hours, shaking my head and muttering to myself. I have no idea what to say. I do know this:

If Snooki has a book deal, there is still hope.