Sunday, October 24, 2010

If you actually wanted a drink, you asked the wrong bartender

Last night at the bar we had a huge, ridiculous, insane crowd.
We knew it was going to be like that.
We were prepared to get slaughtered.

But really, I was the only one that got slaughtered because as it turns out, I am slow as shit, completely deaf, clumsy as all hell, and ornery. But I was ornery for a reason. The night went something like this:

random stranger waving hand in my face "HEY HEY HEY OVER HERE!"
Random stranger turns to consult his friends about what they want to drink.
I walk away because I've lost interest.

and sometimes it went like this:
random stranger practically lying on the bar to get my attention: "HEY HEY HEY OVER HERE!"
random stranger: "2 BEERS"
random stranger: "IN A GLASS"
me: ???????

every so often it would go something like this:
random stranger standing no where near the bar "HEY HEY HEY!"
me, walking all the way over to where he's standing "WHADDAYA WANT?"
random stranger: "COKE AND (unintelligible)"
random stranger: "COKE AND WHISKEY"
me; "WHISKEY?"
random stranger: "AND COKE"
so I go to make the drink and I look up and he is screaming at one of the other bartenders "COKE AND WHISKEY" but she is ignoring him so he shouts again and I shout right back "I'M MAKING YOUR DRINK RIGHT NOW, CALM DOWN"
and I walk over with his drink and he says (are you ready for this?) "YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT, I WASN'T EVEN TALKING TO YOU"

And then, my extra-special favorite is when it goes a little something like this:
random stranger with a crowd of people: "WE WANT 3 KAMIZAKE SHOTS WOOOOOOHOOOOOO"
and so I make the shots and bring them over, and the girl who ordered the shots is gone. So I set them down where she was just standing, assuming someone else from her group will grab her and let her know. I make another order. I come back and one of the shots is gone, and still, no money. I bring the shots to the girl and say "these have been sitting on the bar and someone drank one" and she replies (are you ready for this) "WELL I'VE BEEN OVER HERE TALKING" like I really give a rats ass what she's been up to.
(And here's the really sad part. It happened more than once. With different people.)

Aside from the customers, who were annoyed that I was so slow (possibly because I was was wandering around trying to find the people that had ordered the drinks I was making) we had a whole other set of problems.
Like, we only have one soda gun. 1 soda gun, 3 bartenders, and about 300 people. Those are not good numbers,
We also have only one computer. They brought in a new cash register last night but I had no idea how to use it so I stood there punching buttons and trying to get the drawer to open and I finally just gave up and went back to waiting in line for the computer.

And have I mentioned that I am slow?

So yes, last night I came staggering home feeling seriously defeated and unworthy - even moreso because we are talking about bartending. It's not like the peace talks I had organized fell apart, or the patient I had been operating on died. But based on the customers reactions last night, you would think waiting 5 minutes for me to find a clean glass was something that lifechanging and catastrophic.

I took a long bath and cried, and sat there feeling embarrassed and frustrated and then I climbed out of the tub and got in bed and closed my eyes. And for 3 hours I dreamed.
About work.
About people screaming at me.
About how slow I was.
About how I shouldn't have divided the tips evenly with the other bartenders because I was slower than they were.
About how I never did paid for those fucking kamikazes.

1 comment:

Elly said...

Sad face. I'm a suck bartender, too. The kind where I end up pouring butterscotch down my arms because I missed the bar when I put the bottle down and caught it upside down. At least you seem like a fairly competent bartender, just with really ungrateful + suck customers. Happy thoughts, hey. I hope tomorrow will be better.