When I last left you, I was recovering from a day where things did not go as smoothly as I had hoped and anticipated. There were cows in the road, babies puking, broken cameras, and a lot of unecessary driving, It comes as no surprise that when I ran in the house and changed my clothes, and ran back out to work with just my apron (leaving my purse on the sofa) I might have forgotten something.
Boy, did I forget something.
I remembered to get the pukey baby tshirt out of my purse, and I even tossed it in the washing machine.
The puke-soaked "burp cloth?" notsomuch. Found it the next day though ! So that was pretty awesome. It's not surprising that I forgot the burp cloth (a total misnomer, by the way. They should just call it a puke cloth. Let's be honest with each other. Don't we deserve honesty? Yes We Do.) It was stuck in a pocket, and I wasn't digging around in my purse until the next day, when I was trying to find change for the drive-thru at McDonalds.
I hate McDonalds. I hate everything they stand for. I hate their advertising, I hate the way they market to kids, I hate how they try to pretend that their menu has healthy options when some of the salads have more fat and sodium and crap than a burger. But I love their fucking french fries, okay? I admit it freely. I get a small fry off the dollar menu, and no one needs to know. This is just between you and me. Here's my justification - feel free to apply this to your own McDonalds patronage:
My one dollar fries are not really "supporting" McDonalds. Those fries do a lot more for my mental health than for McDonald's bottom line. And I always get an iced tea to wash them down because A. I love unsweetened iced tea and B. they have a promotion where all soft drinks - regardless of the size - are a dollar. Even though the iced tea is not a soft drink (and what does that mean, anyway? Soft drink. Makes no sense. I'll google it later.) it is included in this promotion, so I gleefully get an extra-large iced tea for one dollar and even though I only drink half it doesn't matter because it was only a DOLLAR and all the sizes were the same price so you might as well get as much as possible for your money even if you don't need all of it because I AM AN AMERICAN DAMMIT AND THAT IS HOW WE DO THINGS.
So there I am, in line, waiting to order. And I stick my hand in the pocket of my purse, and it comes out all...wet. And oh, the smell. Oh dear god the smell. I *almost* lost my appetite, but then again, we are talking about McDonald's french fries, and I would eat those even if I had the stomach flu, because THEY ARE LIKE LITTLE GOLDEN STRIPS OF CRACK.
So I grabbed the "burp cloth" and threw it in a plastic bag from the small roll I keep in the glovebox for when I walk the dog (because I am a responsible dog owner THANKYOUVERYMUCH) and I tied that bag up tight tight tight and I pulled forward to place my order, steering with my knees and frantically wiping my fingers clean with baby wipes (also in my glovebox - it's a big glovebox).
"Can I please have an extra large iced tea, a small fry, and...ummmm......a snack wrap."
"Will that complete your order?"
"Yes, that's it. Oh, wait. I thought the tea was a dollar?"
"No, not the iced tea."
"Oh. Didn't it used to be a dollar?
"The snack wrap isn't a dollar."
"The..... the snack wrap? No, I know that isn't a dollar. But I thought that all drinks were a dollar. Any size, one dollar. I was here last week and I-"
"We changed that three days ago." Her voice was dripping with disgust at my ignorance.
"Oh. Oh, okay then. Nevermind."
"Yep, nevermind. Just cancel my order."
"Cancel it? Don't you want the fries?"
Oh you little minx, tempting me with the fries. Just waving them around under my nose, taunting me.
"Cancel the whole thing."
"Okay, whatever." she said.
HAH! I really showed her, huh? That's right! Standing up to THE MAN!
Only, I was stuck in the drive thru. There was a car in front of me, and a truck behind me. So I couldn't just sail past her window and leave her sitting there, bewildered and humbled by my strong stance vis a vis the end of the one dollar drink promotion and her shitty attitude and disdainful tone.
I had to sit in line.
Right outside her window.
Staring straight ahead.
While she glared at me.
For being such a ridiculous uppity bitch.
Who wouldn't cough up the extra $1.10 for her iced tea.
And who's car smells like a dumpster. "What the hell died in her car, anyway? God, the whole restaurant is going to smell....."
But I showed her. I really showed her. And then, when I had made my point, I drove to another McDonalds and got my damn one dollar french fries. Because why should I suffer?
4 hours ago