You can take the girl out of Jersey...........

Okay, that title's not entirely accurate. I have never lived in New Jersey. I have never been to it's shore. In fact, New Jersey is relevant in my life only as a place with hideous never-ending turnpikes, and people who pump your gas for you. I won't even fly out of Newark. New Jersey is someplace I drive through as quickly as possible - with plenty of quarters and $1's to pay all the fucking tolls.

But tonight. Oh, tonight. I am putting on massive amounts of bronzer and lipliner, pink slippers, and some highly inappropriate attire and heading to a local bar to sing karaoke. With a Jersey accent, natch.

It's Karaoke Night - Jersey Shore edition.

I don't know anything about the MTV show, other than what I have seen in People magazine......but it LOOKS atrocious and I just can't wait to be a part of it. I have to  stop typing now because my press-on nails (aqua with black zebra stripes - squeeeee!) are making it really difficult.

I know, I know, MY TAN IS AMAZING ISN'T IT!

......Aaaaaaand we're back. About 2 hours after the above photo was taken (by my husband, who did indeed allow me out of the house like that and NO I have no idea what he was thinking either) I was in a bar, singing "I Can't Stand The Rain" with lots of heartfelt emotion and boundless enthusiasm (and tone deaf as you please) in the karaoke contest, sucking down a glass of Snooki Punch (you don't want to know) and kissing Rollergirls. And then we went next door to a neighboring bar, to say hello to other Rollergirls. And when I announced after a little while that I needed to return to the scene of the karaoke-ing to see if I had won the contest, Killah looked me in the eye and said "No you don't."

"No, I do, I want to see if I w-"

"You didn't."

"But maybe I-"

"Trust me, no."

Oh.

So I had another drink. And then I did a bit of highly inappropriate dancing to Sir Mix a Lot. And then an encore performance to "Low". Because hello? I had on "boots with the fur". It would have been silly to let that opportunity pass me by.

Pictures do exist, and perhaps even some very unfortunate videos, and of course I will indeed share them with you if legalities permit.