Parents, you know what I am talking about. Those hours, late at night, when you are awake, and they are sleeping. You are lying quietly, maybe reading a book, or watching Jon Stewart, or maybe GOD FORBID getting romantical, and suddenly your ears perk up. "What was that? Was that a cough? Did you hear a cough? Is that the first time? Has there been coughing? DAMMIT is someone else getting sick? We just finished that last dose of amoxicillan/steroid/cough syrup with codeine/round of nebulizer treatments and now someone else is sick? Wait, no, is that crying? Oh shit, is someone crying? Has someone been calling me or weeping silently and now after hours and hours of suffering they are finally crying out? I am the worst parent ever OH MY GOD MY BABY NEEEEEEEEEEEEDS ME" and then you shove your husband over and go tearing off down the hall, hopping on first one leg and then the other trying to get some pants on fortheloveofallthatisholyshitfuckhowlonghastherebeencrying?
Yeah. THAT. With a few variations, every parent has done this at some time and if you say you haven't you are a fucking liar (no pun intended, but there it is). I would say that kids have a sixth sense, it's almost like birth control how they seem to know when the least convenient time is to wake up in the middle of the.night and start crying.
So last night, we were lying in bed and my husband was all "Hey baby" and I was all "Hey what" and then suddenly THE CRYING and I glared at him as if to say "you did this with your dirty man mind and your sinful thoughts". And Lucy came into our room moments later before I could get out of bed and intercept her, with a face swollen from crying and miserable because her legs hurt.
Sam was miserable too - but for a whole different reason. I have to give him credit though, he's slick. Somehow he managed to get out of bed and get her into bed and get some PANTS ON FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU without scarring her for life. A significant accomplishment considering the, um, circumstances.
And so that is how we spent the night, crying and comforting and cuddling. And then it began again. Around and around all night long. My hands that used to stink of garlic now reek of BenGay, which is what happens when you are not more specific in your fervent wish to have your hands not smell like garlic anymore because it's hard to feel sexy. Turns out, BenGay is even less sexy and - unexpected bonus - it burns the nether regions to the point where sexy is not even on the radar.
1 day ago