The 5 Stages of Unemployment

Hello from the land of Staying In My Pajamas All Day and Nap Time is Anytime.

I love it here.

No, that's not true. But I am trying to stay positive.

I believe I have reached the next-to-last stage of unemployment: Sulking

The first stage was Catching Up. That is, making to-do lists of all of the shit you couldn't get done when you were busy working (and doing someone else's shit all the time). It lasted for about a week. I made a bunch of appointments, did the taxes, got the oil changed, blah blah blah. I still had money from my last week of tips. I had chores to keep me busy. The week blew by, and then when the next Monday dawned I hit a new stage:

My Boss Was An Asshole. That was actually a pretty fun week too. Lots of bitching about what a dick he was, and how I had every right to quit, and how he has a reputation for being a dick and I was too good for him and he was lucky I stayed as long as I did. Remarkably, that stage kept me pretty busy too. But we needed to move on, and stop dwelling on the same lame asshole.

So we got to the Moving On Up stage: This is where you follow up on all of the recommendations friends have made - businesses that are hiring, things that people have suggested you do instead ("Your blog is great, you should put ads on there and make some money !" or another popular suggestion: "WRITE A BOOK!" hahahahahahaha I love you guys. Maybe I will. MAYBE I WILL.) The moving on up stage is uplifting for about 3 days, which is when you quickly realize that you are suddenly unemployed without a definite backup plan. You have seen what is out there, and it sucks. You will have to start at the bottom and work your way up, or wait and hope something good comes along on Craigslist. There might be a little panic. There will definitely be some smoking and drinking (or yoga and meditation, whatever works for you.)

And then you get to this stage, the stage I am in right now. Sulking. Sulking with intermittent napping. Sulking because you have no money and your ex-boss is an asshole with a job. I am going to revel in this stage before I get to the final stage which is Dusting Yourself Off and Getting Serious.

I am not there yet, sadly. I will need at least another week of napping and sulking. I'll let you know how it goes.