Thursday, March 11, 2010

Whole Foods, I wish I could quit you

"Hey kids, let's go grab some dinner at Whole Foods! It'll be quick!"

I am a total idiot.

That place is the biggest time suck. It's the Bermuda fucking Triangle of grocery stores. You walk in there and come stumbling out an hour later - your money is gone, you are carrying brand new reusable shopping bags (that you did NOT need but just purchased because they were pretty and you left yours in the trunk) filled with food that you also did NOT need and forks made out of dried potato starch or some shit, and you're all disoriented and wondering what the hell just happened.

Tonight, we went in for some take out and spent the rest of the night in there. I swear to god. We went in, we ordered pizza, we waited for it to be done, we paid, we ate, we wanted more (repeat) and then, of course, we had to check out the bathroom. And then we ran into people that we know. And more people we know. And then it started raining.

New rule: From now on, if I have plans to do ANYTHING ELSE with the rest of my day, I cannot go in that store. Period. I am not strong enough. I have no will. Turns out, if you wave artisan cheese and fresh baked bread and lamb shanks in my general direction, I will follow you to the ends of the earth.

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