Yeah it's gray. Do you have a PROBLEM with that?

My hair is gray. To recap: yes, I am 34 and I went through menopause at 29 and I have gray hair. And wrinkles. But we'll talk about those later.

Because today I am obsessing over my decision to color my hair.

I have dyed my hair many many MANY times. The color has run the gamut from platinum blonde to dark chocolatey brown, with a healthy collection of reds mixed in. Right now, it is just my natural mousy brown, with a lot of gray sprinkled liberally throughout. Overall, I think it's pretty, and sparkly, and that the gray kind of looks like highlights. Or maybe I have just convinced myself of that to feel better about running around with a head of gray hair, and skipping appointments with my hair goddess Xena (that's her real fucking name so SHUT IT). (Actually, it might be spelled Zena. But whatever. Still a BAD ASS NAME.)

So why dye? Well, I had a few mishaps with DIY trims. And the gray has sort of gone more to the white end of the spectrum. Plus, I missed Xena and her mad hair skillz, so I made an appointment for today. When I mentioned this week, very casually, that I was getting my hair colored, the responses came from one of two camps.

There was the "It's about time, you look like a bag lady and never mind coloring it do you actually even BRUSH IT anymore?"

And the "I think you hair looks fine and I can only dream of having the money to color my hair." As though, by getting my hair colored once a year I am splurging to such an extent as to make others uncomfortable with my largesse.

Both responses kind of made me feel like shit, to be honest. I understand completely that getting my hair colored is a luxury. I do. I also understand that I am not making the best impression walking around with snarled graying hair and bangs I cut myself with nail scissors.

And I hate to spend the money. Actually, I won't even be spending money right now - I would pay with a credit card and pay for it........later. Sometime.

So there it is. Do I maintain status quo and embrace my gray.....or do I actually do some MAINTENANCE and maybe clean it up a bit for the round of work parties and photos ?

2 hours later, my hair looks great and I feel slightly nauseous for spending that much money on hair that is eventually going to fall out. Hopefully not anytime soon, of course.