I am sick of myself.
I am sick of writing about myself all the gad damned time.
I am not that interesting.
I am running out of cute anecdotes.
I am VERY busy working out, and lying on my sofa pouting about all of the things I could be doing, but that I don't really care enough to do.
No drama. No mystery. No marital strife. No illness. No grief.
And it turns out, having a nice little life does not leave much up for discussion. I am not going to make stuff up. I would answer meme questions, but really....do you give a shit what my favorite restaurant is, or which celebrity I would marry?
Of course you don't. At least, I *hope* you don't. If you do then seriously, you need to Step Away From The Computer and make some more friends.
But it's sweet of you to pretend to be even vaguely interested in the life of a woman that takes her kids to school in nothing but a fuzzy robe and flip flops. A woman who swept her entire house, gathered a big pile of dust, and then neglected to actually sweep up said pile of dust and dispose of it. And left it there, in the middle of the hallway, to be quickly re-distributed and added to by the residents of the house and their guests. It's very kind of you to feign interest in someone who bought an enormous bag of potato chips at 8am because they were on sale due to being past the expiration date, immediately ate them in the car, and then went to the gym for an hour and got her greasy fingerprints on all of the nautilus equipment. It's so sweet of you to humor me, a woman who was 20 minutes late to work on Mother's Day because on the way to work she decided "Mama needs a new pair of shoes" and went shopping, and bought herself not one but TWO pairs, and then while she was waiting at the register tried on a bunch of rings and then left the store still wearing one of them and realized it halfway to work and had to go back to the store and admit to stealing from them, and returned the ring with such shame that she could barely walk upright, her head was hanging so low with the embarrassment of it all.
So there you have it. A slob, a criminal, a nudist, a glutton. Fascinating.
I'm so glad you're here. Don't leave. I might need bail money.
19 hours ago