Oh Hawaiiantel, you make it so hard to be nice

You may or may not remember this post. I switched our phone and internet from cable back to the telephone company a few weeks ago, and regretted my decision while the installation was taking place. I was flooded with emails from friends, family, and total strangers, regaling me with tales of their hideous experiences with the phone company, and their suspicions that they had dealt with the same miserable install technician. EVEN THE PHONE COMPANY EMAILED ME. And I promised the phone company that I would follow up on my post and let you all know if I decided to give them another chance. But I had to think about it. I was really mad, and after hearing all of the horror stories, and being reminded of the hours and hours and HOURS I spent on hold with the phone company straightening out billing issues and trying to get my service to work the last time I was their customer......I just didn't know if I could do it again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me, right? So needless to say, the equipment has been sitting in a sealed box on my kitchen counter ever since that night. I didn't want to deal with it. The whole thing was just so annoying. Plus, my cable internet still works. Because in Hawaii, we do things AWESOME.

Fast forward to tonight - I reorganized my office. Disconnected every power cord and wire, cleaned and relocated every piece of electronic and computer equipment, and started to put everything back together again with cords untangled and everything arranged neatly. Sounds great, and very type-A of me, doesn't it? In reality, it was a terrible idea. I was covered in dust and dirt, I disconnected all of the power cords from the back of whatever it was they were powering, and then had no fucking idea which power cord went to which device, and I ended up with a bunch of wires that - I guess? - were just behind my desk and not connected to anything at all. At least, that is what I am telling myself.

During all of this, I decided to go ahead and hook up the modem from the phone company. The one that was still sitting in the sealed box Sam brought back from the phone company last week.

So I hooked that shit up. Hooked it up real good. Read the manual and everything.
And it didn't work.

I pulled all of the wires out, and started over again.
Nope. Still nothing.
The phone worked, so I knew the jack was working and I knew we had service.......but no internet.
Hm.
Went to the troubleshooting page of the manual.
Troubleshooted.
Still nothing.
Called the phone number for 24/7 service.
It disconnected me.
Four times.
Then, an automated voice referred me to their website for assistance. Except, I was calling the number to report problems with my internet connectivity. Chances are, people who call that line CAN'T GO TO THE FUCKING WEBSITE.
(this is not rocket science)
I called back, 3 more times. And finally after pressing a random series of numbers, the # and the * buttons, and shouting "operator" and "customer service" into the phone repeatedly, I got a real, live human being. I use the word "live" very loosely - the dude sounded like he was 85. He was doing the old man mouth breathing into the phone, and "tsk"ing and "you don't say"ing and it was like having my great grandfather helping me hook up a wireless modem with all of those "doohickeys" and "thingamabobs".
"Is the light blinking fast and then slow?" he asked.
"No, it's just blinking steadily."
"Hmph. That's not good."
"Yeah, soooooo......"
"Here's what I need you to do" he said. "I need you to hang up, and unplug the phone, and plug the modem into this same jack and leave it for FOUR minutes. And then I want you to plug the phone back in and I will call you back."
"Um, okay."
"So plug it back in at 8:10."
Since my kitchen clock said 8:11, I decided to just set the timer and hope for the best.
And he did call me back about 6 minutes later.
"Sorry I am so late calling you back (breathe breathe breathe) I was checking the line."
"No problem, I was jus-"
"There is a problem with the service. I have scheduled a technician to come out and make the repair. You don't eed to be at home or anything. It should be fixed by Wednesday."
"By Wednesday."
"Yes. (breathe breathe breathe)."
"Okay then. Thanks so much for your help!" I said brightly, as I started unplugging all of the phone company equipment and throwing the wires and cords and plastic bags back into the box.
"Thank YOU for being a Hawaiiantel customer. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?"
"Oh no (yank) I'm good (tug) Thanks for your help (crash) Have a great night!"
And with that, I plugged my cable modem back into the wall, and fired up that internet connection that the phone company had turned off two weeks ago. Thank god they are so on top of it.

Dear Hawaiiantel: Suck it.

****this post has been edited because - shockingly - my local phone company found it and responded. Which I appreciate. It was very kind of them to contact me. They were very kind throughout the order/install process, except for the installer who was a little grumpy - but dude it was like a hurricane outside so I don't blame him, really. And it made for a good story! Anyway, they have been lovely people, I don't envy them for having to deal with disgruntled customers like me. I did try to respond to the email they sent - but sadly, their email address - the one connected to the phone company - bounced back. I guess they are having issues with their email service. Hm. So regardless, I took out the bad words in case thier work email doesn't let them read things that have profanity in them. You're welcome, phone company employees. Hope your email gets fixed soon. Sincerely, I do.****

A few years ago, I cancelled our phone and internet with the local phone company.

Because the bill was ALWAYS wrong. And the service would go on and off with no warning, rhyme or reason. And it was just a hassle dealing with them.

So I got cable internet and phone. Which was great. Except when it wasn't. And then they started jacking up the prices. Higher and higher my bill went. And I wasn't even getting any cable TV. If you are gonna jack up my prices and not even give me some Big Love for my trouble, well...... screw you, buddy.

When I got the flyer from the phone company, the one that was all "baby I've missed you please come back I'll do you right this time etc. etc. and I'll give you 6 months of free intenet because you were the best thing that ever happened to me I can't believe I let you go" well, what can I say? I'm an easy mark. A softy. I like it when you talk sweet to me. So I caved. I called and sold my soul to the devil......in the form of a one-year contract with the phone company.

There was a caveat. They needed to send someone out to the house to switch over the service from the cable company to the phone company. And that "someone" wasn't available for a week.

No big deal, our install was scheduled for the following Friday. Only, Friday didn't so much "dawn" as "rise from the gloom and the muck" - after 4 days of solid, torrential, landslide instigating rain the backyard was one big mud puddle. The gutters were overflowing. The dog was racing around the yard like a basket case because he hadn't had a good run for a while. The wind was gusting, thrumming against the windows with all of the energy that was being sucked out of us slowly during the days spent inside in the relative dark, bitching and moaning. (Remember, this is Hawaii. We don't do days and days of rain very well.)

And my appointment window was "sometime between 8 and 5". I laughed when they told me that. "Are you serious? I have to sit here for 9 hours waiting for someone to show up? Are you sure we can't just do this ourselves?" But no, I was informed solemnly. A professional needed to handle this transfer of service. Sometime between 8 and 5.

So I settled in for a day of waiting for the phone company. And as I looked out through the sheets of rain I thought "It's good to have professionals to handle this sort of thing." I ws very pleased with myself, and with my phone company's excellent service.

Only, the guy who showed up was not pleased. Nor was he particularly professional. He didn't like our wires. He didn't lke the location of our jack. He hadn't brought a modem because "no one told him he needed one". He was itching to drill a hole in the side of my house for a cable he wanted to run.

I refused. There were plenty of holes in our house already. Find one and make it work.

He got snotty. My signal was weak, the connection was all static, we needed to rewire, he didn't have what he needed, and had I noticed that it was raining outside?

As his complaints grew, so too did the volume of his voice, until he was practically shouting. And I was not pleased. "Listen, man, I didn't want you to come here to begin with. I told them we would do this ourselves. It's not my fault you don't have what you need, and it's not my fault the wire you chose is not the right one and it certainly isn't my fault that it's RAINING outside. If you can't do this install, then you can go ahead and leave. I'll figure it out myself."

So he stomped out mumbling, shovd his feet into his velcro sneakers, straightened his tool belt, and sauntered off down the stairs, secure in the knowledge that we needed him and would be calling him back shortly.

And I got on the phone about 20 minutes later, to be sure. But not to call him. To call the phone company. Because while they sent the installer without the proper equipment, and had not been able to complete the install order, I suddenly remebered that they had managed to cancel our cable service, leaving me internet-less at any moment.

"I need internet" I hollered into the phone after being transferred for the 4th time. "I don't care who my providor is, but I must have my internet. And tell me, why would you cancel my cable service before you had the phone service connected? So now I have no phone or internet? I can't believe this."

It was the typical lament you hear from girls who take back their ex amid the pleas and promises of how "it's gonna be different this time". Because the only way it was different, is that it was worse. I was only 5 hours into my commitment with the phone company and already completely livid.

They offered to bring the modem to us, but said they would have to drill a hole in my wall to connect it.
There was nothing they could do about the cable being turned off. There were also shades of talking to me like I was stupid, which never EVER flies with me. Conveniently, I am married to a Department of Defense telcom contractor. (You didn't expect that, did you?)

So I put the phone company's customer service department on speaker, and let my husband, who had been patiently trying to help their installer all morning, explain what the problem was. The problem was, we had no modem. Because they were supposed to bring it and install it for free. The problem was, their employee was unwilling to use an existing hole. Because it was easier to just drill another hole. The problem was, THEY SUCK BIG HAIRY DONKEY BALLS.

He didn't say that last bit. (****I was gonna delete it for the phone company employees - HI GUYS! - but it makes me giggle, and it's not a swear, so I won't.)

So I took the next reasonable step.
"Just cancel everything" I proclaimed dramatically.
"Excuse me ma'am?"
"Just cancel the whole thing. I'm sorry I ever fell for this."
"Well, but....."
"No, I don't want to talk about this any more. I"m over it. Just cancel the whole thing."
"Would you reconsider if I gave you two months of free internet?"

And that was it for me. I am not playing games. I am not going to fall for your sweet talking bullshit ANYMORE. I took a deep breath.

"WHAT?"
"If you would allow us to install your service, we'll give you two months of free internet."

And I have to admit, I felt kind of bad, because I just let loose on that poor, unsuspecting woman.
"I am already getting 6 months of free internet WITH MY NEW CONTRACT. THAT'S WHY I AM GETTING THIS SERVICE. AND IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD TO SAY YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE ME FREE INTERNET BUT YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN ME ANY  INTERNET AT ALL. CANCEL IT."

And then, suddenly, my cable internet hadn't been turned off at all. Oh, no, they never told me that. I still had cable. They had no control over when that got turned off. Why, it could take up to 3 weeks for them to turn it off, maybe never! They might just forget to turn it off at all! I might still have cable next year! FREE! HAHAHAHA they were JUST KIDDING about turning my cable off already.

(This is where my head exploded. 6 hours of my life.....wasted.)

So I still have cable internet.....for now. My darling husband went and picked up a modem from the phone company just in case my cable does somehow get disconnected - because if I wake up without internet I will definitely fall apart. But it was "just in case". Because next week, I will get wireless internet from an independent kiosk at the mall which is what I wanted to begin with. And then I will bring the phone company their modem. And the drillbit their installer left in my den. I'm sure he's going to need it.

Batting a Thousand

A thousand seems like a lot.
Today, for the first time, I had 1000 hits. No, not in one day, that would be AWESOME but, uh, no. 1023 hits in a 30 days period. What the hell does that mean? I have no idea. It seems like it's not that much, actually. Considering the size of the internet and all. I mean, some people set up a blog, write for 30 days, and suddenly they're on fucking a panel at BlogHer and winning awards and selling t-shirts and writing a magazine column, And then a few years into blogging (like I am now) they have a deal with a publisher, a book tour, and they're being interviewed on GMA.

Clearly, you don't have to worry about that happening HERE. I have no idea what I am doing.

BUT I'm having fun. And isn't that what REALLY MATTERS?

Yeah, I didn't think so. But, you know, let me have my dreams, wouldja?

See now - THIS is why I don't enter contests.

Contests are bad for my self-esteem. I get all upset at not succeeding, and yet - I am not making any extra-spectacular effort to get in there.

Ah well. I don't wear the All Mediocre Badge for nuthin !

Which is why yesterday, I left the laptop at home, and got a massage.

Way to compete, girlfriend !

You know, I have heard people rave about massages, and how fantastic they are, and how relaxing and wonderful - and I wonder if I'm doing it wrong. Because when I get a massage, it feels like someone digging into fresh bruises over and over again. Suffice to say - I'm tense, in general. My shoulders alone are a project. And the massage experience yesterday, at the hands of a very skilled therapeutic massage therapist, was very painful. But at the end, the shoulder that had been pulled up to my jaw was back down where it was supposed to be. So, it was a success ! But today, I feel like I have been hit by a truck. More water. Must. Drink. Water. Ouch.

Unfortunately, amidst my suffering, I need to climb up into the attic and crawl around for a bit. I have 2 missions to accomplish:
1. track down pink streamers that I *know* are up there somewhere, in preparation for Lucy's party on Saturday, and
2. locate the infant car seat. It was given to us by a friend, who has found herself in the family way unexpectedly. And since Baby V is not living here, and we have no new placements on the horizon, I was thrilled to be able to return the seat to her - freshly laundered, no less !

But first, I returned to the scene of my heartbreak - my trusty laptop - to suffer a bit. Physically AND emotionally. A pity party on a grand scale, as only Daffodil can. HOWEVER, I will not let this get the best of me. I will drink my water, clean the house, decorate for the birthday party, and attend story time and Tae Kwon Do with flair !

In the words of the great Bob Marley : No nominations, no cry.

A nice little Wednesday

Today, I was reading my blogroll per usual, and discovered a new and exciting contest that I felt compelled to enter, if only because I have never entered anything like this before.

You know, it's not my style to set myself up for humiliation/epic failure, but what the hell.

So I followed the directions, added the badge that was supposed to provide the link to the nimonation page so everyone could just click on over there and give me a bump....and that is when things started to go terribly wrong.

An hour later, I was still trying to install the fucking badge. My laptop battery died. And you know, I had to (deep sigh) make lunches and take the kids to school. And take that cat that does not even belong to me to the vet. Again.

Anyway, as soon as I got home, I went straight to work.

Only at this point, the site that I am attempting to link TO is not loading. I know, it must be all of those readers rushing to nominate me - thanks guys !

At this point, I am starting to remember why I never enter these things, or make an effort to increase my readership. Because I find myself 3 hours later in tears, crouched over my laptop sipping cold tea in a tank top and boxers, swearing at my internet connection and wanting to throwthe computer out the window. Meanwhile, the crackberry is blinking and filling up like crazy because in entering the contest I also, apparently, agreed to "follow" something that I do not wholly understand, which means that every time someone ELSE makes a comment on the website (something along the lines of "THE BADGE DOESN'T WORK"), I get an email alert. Fucking awesome.

So anyway, no time to blog today ! Maybe I'll put some pants on and take a wak around the yard shoveling dog shit. Might be more fun then what I got going on right now.

Flashback Friday. Four Years Ago, I was given the best gift ever.

I am sure that "flashback friday" should involve memories from more then four years ago. And in a way this does.

My infertility can be traced back to my diagnosis of endometriosis. I was 19, and newly married, and sitting in a doctor's office in San Juan, Puerto Rico. In broken english, the doctor explained that I had this disease, and gave me a brochure, and encouraged me to try to have a baby. Soon. I had just had a large ovarian cyst rupture, and I was in a lot of pain, and I would be having surgery. There. In San Juan. And I was very, very frightened.

That was the beginning. 15 years ago now. And it has been a long and very sad road. The end of my first marriage, the loss of several pregnancies, 13 surgeries, and the joy of a pregnancy brought to term (with only 2 hospitalizations for pre-term labor). And with the birth of my son, complete and utter joy. Yes, there has been joy - and lots of it. But there has been a great deal of disappointment and fear and medical complications, which has at times threatened to overshadow the joy.

And so, we hoped quietly for a second child, but really, didn't dare to try. The audacity of hope (there just isn't another phrase that better describes hoping for a second child after overcoming infertility once) was too much for us to take on. We needed to stay focused on the beautiful gift we had been given with our son, and not take a single moment from his childhood to focus on the medical interventions required to give him a sibling.

And then, a series of almost anonymous phone calls led to the final call.
4 years ago.
"You have a daughter. She is waiting for you in the hospital nursery."

It really was as easy as that, in the end. And we do not forget that. It makes the gift of HER even more miraculous and magical. We cried, we raced to the hospital and down the halls, up the elevator, no idea where to go.....and then we rang the bell of the maternity ward and the nurse who answered said "We have been waiting for you !"

They wheeled out the bassinet.
We peered inside.
And this tiny little girl peered back - she was 6 hours old and she looked like a fairy, with pointy ears and dimples and a cheshire grin.

We clapped our hands, and laughed, hugged each other and the nurse, and then, reached down for our baby. Because there was just no question that she was ours, and honestly if they had run a blood test I wouldn't have been surprised if our genes had matched - it was just that simple and clear.

Remarkably, adopting our daughter - the one thing that should have been the most time consuming and expensive effort, the one fraught with drama and angst and heartache....it had been the easiest, simplest, most natural thing in the world.

The greatest gift, 4 years ago:


Happy Birthday my beautiful darling girl. You are the perfect compliment to your brother, you complete our family in a way we will never be able to explain, and we are the luckiest parents in the world.

And a special thank you to your birth parents. They will be in our hearts forever.

That mushy gushy post I promised you with lots of sunshine and reasons why I love being a girl.. I mean, a mom.

I Got Tagged.
Never before in the blogosphere has my participation been requested. And they may just regret their kind offer after reading what I have to say. I haven't read any of the other answers yet, so that you can get my honest-to-goodness responses, without my having to worry that what I have written sounds like someone else's answer. That drives me bat-shit crazy.

So, here goes.

5 Things I Love (or actually, not so much) About Being a Mom:

1. I love that my children are a real life, wonderful example of the power of tenacity. I overcame infertility two ways (that sounds like chinese food) and by following two very different paths, had the same wonderful result. Happy, healthy, well-adjusted children - one biological, and one not so much. (See, I know that not so much exemption would be useful.)

2. I love that my children have introduced me (via other children they have befriended) to some of my favorite mommy friends. People I never would have met, had we not had children of similar ages and interests.

3. I love that my children have brought napping back into my life. Oh, how I love to nap. And napping, I missed you so. A small but important piece of my soul was missing when you were not part of my day.

4. I love that my husband and I have this secret parent code now, where we can just glance at each other and KNOW what needs to happen. One single raised eyebrow can signal the "it's time to go" exit strategy. And when someone gets in trouble around here, we present a united, solid front, no conversation required.

5. I love the feeling of pride that I have in my family. I know, in my heart, that I am raising Good Kids. They have manners, they are cute and personable, and they can charm the pants off of anyone even remotely charm-able. They are my most successful endeavor, by far. Career ? Meh. But let me tell you all about my kids !

OK, one of my little darlings just dropped my brand new Blackberry on the floor. Which is how my last cellphone was destroyed. I am not really feeling the love at this particular moment, so best to stop and post now, before I change all of my answers.