Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Master of my domain. And by domain, I mean the dishwasher.

I am about to make a very bold statement. Please, don't take offense. I know that you have probably told yourself for years that you - and you alone - have an edge over everyone else with your mad skills, but I assure you: I load my dishwasher better than anyone else.

I know this, because whenever someone declares a dishwasher "full" I have no problem stepping around them and fitting another 15 items inside. What can I say? It's a gift.

But wait, that's not all.

I have also mastered putting the duvet inside of the duvet cover in less than 30 seconds. And yes, I did time myself. For years, I have stood by and watched as others attempt to place the duvet inside of it's cover. Time and time again, one of two things happen:
Either the entire duvet ends up in one corner of the cover, and I have to redo it, or
they inexplicably find themselves trapped inside the duvet cover, unable to find the opening, or the corners, or even the duvet. I stand their and watch them, their arms flailing about frantically as the duvet lies in a pile at their feet and they become increasingly bound up in the voluminous folds of cotton, until eventually they just sit down and call for help. (I'm sure it goes without saying that I have elevated folding a fitted sheet to an art form. But I thought I would mention it anyway.)

In addition, I am pleased to note that I am able to open a box of Kleenex and remove the first tissue - and just the first tissue - without tearing out 5 or 6 additional shredded tissues trying to "get the box started".

I also possess the God-given ability to fit all of my Tupperware in the Tupperware drawer. With matching lids.

And please note, I can pack a bag of groceries at the checkout better than any grocery store employee. I hate to be rude and tell someone how to do their job, so I just keep my mouth shut and let them take a crack at it. Then I walk out to the parking lot and immediately repack all of the groceries properly, throwing the excess bags in my trunk to hide the evidence.

I know, I know. You're sitting there thinking to yourself  "I could take her."
And to that I say "Care to make it interesting?"

1 comment:

Robin said...

As one of the people who often finds themselves trapped inside a queen-size duvet cover I have to ask - what is your secret?!? How do you do it? I must know!