Thursday, August 8, 2013

Daffodil Campbell and the Sweet Ass Taurus

"That shit is cherry."

I swerved across oncoming traffic and came to a screeching halt, as my mother gasped and Sam muttered "Jesus Christ!" under his breath while the kids cackled like maniacs.

I'd had my eye on her for a week now, and I couldn't believe she was still available. How could no one have snapped her up already? Clearly this was a sign. We were meant to be together.

I threw my brother's sub-compact into park and hopped out. (Side note: how and why would they produce a base model - complete with hand-crank windows and manual locks - with an automatic transmission? If you are getting a base model, you gotta start with five speeds. Or maybe four. Anyway.) I pressed myself against her, sliding my hand along the curves. My mother was unimpressed, and remained seated. Sam hurried around the back of the car and joined me at her side enthusiastically. The kids tumbled out after him.

This was a sexy beast. She had to come home with us. We both wanted her So. Badly.

And really, didn't we deserve it? Didn't *I* deserve it?

But we couldn't let the kids know. So we tried (and failed) to play it cool.

"Did you see her back end?" I sighed deeply and stared at her, longingly. "Perfect."

"Do we have any tapes?" Sam crowed excitedly as he checked out the am/fm cassette in her dash. "Oh man."

"There's room for three up here!" I had my eye on the driver's seat as I yelled over my shoulder, gesturing wildly. "THREE!" Sam shook his head. "It's too good to be true."

We walked reluctantly back to my brother's car, where my mother was still sitting in the backseat. Two doors are just not worth the hassle of climbing out of the backseat sometimes, and she was watching the love match coming together from a distance. "How old is she?" mom shouted through the window.

"Ninety-one, I think." I answered. She looked good for her age. Maybe I had misunderstood.

As the kids got settled next to my mom, Sam and I snapped the front seats upright and climbed in, adjusting our seat backs like one does every time they have to let anyone out of the backseat of a 2-door. Cursing to ourselves as we slid forward and back trying to get comfortable.

"She would be great." Sam said with a grin.

"She is gonna be a sweet ass ride." I agreed. "Just short term. For the summer."

"You should call Dad!" mom piped up. "Maybe he'll come back with you tomorrow!"

"Are you kidding?" I yelled over my shoulder. "She's mine! I'm not sharing. No way is getting his hands on her."

"We aren't taking her." my mother scoffed at me. SCOFFED AT ME. "We need something bigger."

"Do you think I can have her when you're done with her?" Max asked.

"Oh, maybe I'll have a turn....." Lucy said dreamily.

"Man" I just couldn't get over it. "SO perfect. I would love me a sweet ass station wagon like that."

We drove on through the night, reminiscing about station wagons we have loved before, and third rows that face out the back window, instead of facing forward.

"The only thing she's missing is wood paneling." I said sadly.

"We can fix that," my mom assured me. "Just a quick trip to the craft store, or maybe we can use some adhesive shelf paper."

"I have to have her," I said flatly. "I want that sweet ass Ford Taurus."

"Yeah!" Lucy piped up from the backseat.  "I hope everyone can see how enthusiastic I am about that sweet ass Ford Taurus." I raised my eyebrow and looked at her in the rear view mirror. She grinned.

"Your grandfather loves a nice Ford Taurus," mom assured her. "He will be very happy to go check it out tomorrow, I'm sure."

"But it's mine." I reminded her. "My sweet ass Ford Taurus."

"Yes dear," my mother rolled her eyes. "that sweet ass Ford Taurus is all yours."

"Wow," Sam was still dazed. "That was a sweet ass Ford Taurus."

"Mom," Max said agreeably, "that is a sweet ass Ford Taurus, but I have a question. What does 'cherry' mean?"

"It means good as new. As nice as when it was brand new." Sam explained.

"Oh," Max said. "Yes. She was cherry. That sweet ass Ford Taurus was definitely cherry."

"Yeah!" Lucy shouted. "Cherry!"

"But she's mine." I reminded everyone.

"But I love her!" Lucy whined.

"I know, honey. Me too."

We pulled in the driveway and I went straight to the computer where I took the next natural step, stalking her online. I pored over the photo spread, read all the intimate details, mused on her mileage and how many people might have taken her for a ride. And I fell asleep with dreams, dreams of a glorious Ford Taurus station wagon rushing through my head.

She will be mine. Mark my words. She. Will. Be. Mine.

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