Thursday, April 28, 2011

If you think I'm sexy you have me confused with Rod Stewart.

I have heard the phrase "hot mess" bandied about from time to time, and let me tell you:
I am all of the mess with none of the hot lately.

To wit: I am subsisting on three food groups this week: Soupy, Candy, and Booze.

It's the Easter Trifecta, and none of it makes for good blog fodder. I am floating in a daze of pork, carbonation, and chocolate-coated goodness and I can barely get a clear thought out of my head - never mind typed up and published in a timely manner. In keeping with the Easter theme, my vehicle of choice for the soupy is scrambled eggs - soupy makes a lovely frittat - but let me tell you something:

My tummy doesn't feel so good.

It could be my diet, it could be my awesome new meds which are amazing for the pain but less amazing for the digestive system, or it could be that this Saturday is my first time working as a bench coach for the derby girls.

Derby Girls are scary because A. with skates on they are at least a head taller than me, and B. they can (and totally will) kick my ass if necessary.

So I am going for my usual line of defense, which is wearing perilously high heels and lingerie. Because if you can't beat 'em, distract 'em.

However, high heels and sequined onesies may not translate in the heat of Hawaii's mid-day. The bout starts at 4pm, a time of day that is frequently still searingly hot here on Maui. I suspect that by the end of the afternoon I will have eye makeup trickling into my ears and my mohawk will have toppled over to one side, resembling more of a jaunty tam-o-shanter than the punk/goth pompadour I had in mind.

None of that, of course, is any use to me now. I have spent the past few days in a haze of sugar highs and muscle relaxer lows, which - I have to say - makes for a fun ride, and I still have 3 days to go. I am running low on sausage, so something's gotta give. Let's just hope it's not these pajama pants I've had on all week. I'm not ready to give them up for the sequins and satin just yet.

I know you will be anxiously awaiting photos of our season opener, and FEAR NOT - ask and ye shall receive. (Unless you are asking for some of my soupy, in which case you are just shit out of luck.) I am pretty sure this entire post is just one long rambling and disjointed stream of consciousness - but photos! Those will be fun and possibly even easy to understand. Or not. Sometimes its more fun if you have no idea what the hell is going on. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

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